Ryan Wayne Hoyos: The Start of a Great Adventure, WEEK 1

DAY 2: Tuesday, August 24th, 2010

The first day of the recovery process, but we were so relieved that it was recovery, and not new problems. It was a very hard day for me physically. I couldn't stand, sit up, or move by myself. That is a very humbling position to be in. I was still hooked up to multiple IV's, and being checked on what seemed like every 30 minutes to make sure my vitals were ok. Since I had lost so much blood, my body was running a fever, my blood pressure was low, and my pulse was very high. Not good conditions for recovery from emergency surgery. Not to mention how emotionally worried I was for my little baby.

The day seemed to go by in one very long blur. I began breast pumping for the first time to help make my milk come in when Ryan was ready for it. I also got permission from the doctor to eat solid foods. That was such a blessing. After having nothing but jell-o and apple juice for 48 hours, I was famished. Three square meals that day really helped to improve my red blood cell count.

The best part of the day was when we went down to the NICU to check on Ryan. He was still completely covered in tubes and IV's, but I got permission to hold him for the first time. We had to be very careful, and it seemed almost impossible due to everything he was hooked up to. However, holding that sweet, beautiful boy in my arms was a treasure. I talked to him, sang, to him, and told him how much I loved him. I told him no matter how things turned out physically, we would love him forever as our own.

Our First Family Photo

The Hoyos Family: Brenton, Katie, and Ryan

We spent a fair amount of time discussing things with doctors. It frustrated me how pessimistic everyone was. Whenever Ryan would do something normal for a little baby, and Brenton and I got all excited, someone had to bring their little black raincloud over and say phrases such as, "Well, that doesn't mean he won't have problems later on," or "don't get too excited, now." I was frustrated to no end because of that. With my body surging with hormones, any time a doctor or nurse said something like that my eyes filled with tears.

That evening when I was helped into bed I reached my breaking point physically. I was so beat down that I couldn't even stand up straight. I was hunched over like an 80-year-old woman with osteoporosis. I sobbed into the bed wondering if I'd ever be normal again, and terrified at the thought that I'd never be well enough to take care of my baby. I remember praying myself to sleep begging for help.

Day 3: Wednesday, August 25th, 2010

I started the day by being able to walk to the bathroom by myself, and brush my teeth while standing up straight. I've never been so happy for brushing my teeth. I was also able to get a shower with the help of a bench, but I still did it. It helped me realize that even though the recovery was going to be long, I would recover. It gave me hope. Not just hope in myself physically, but spiritually and emotionally. It gave me hope for my son, Ryan, to recover also. Both of us would just have to take things one day at a time, but we were going to get there.

I don't remember much else from the day, except for wonderful visits from dear friends and several deliveries of flowers to my room. Any time a nurse would come in they'd call my room the flower shop. One of the nurses commented, "You know I've worked here for over 10 years, and I've never seen a room with this many flowers." It made me feel better to see their beautiful blossoms and sweet scent. I was so grateful to have them, but I also remember thinking that I'd trade them in a second to have my little boy in the room with me instead. I missed him every second.

Ryan began making steady progress that day. He was still on all kinds of meds, but he was doing normal baby things. He could suck on a binky, turn his head, and kept trying to pull the oxygen tube out of his nose. It made me so happy to see that he was aware enough to do those things as they were signs of comprehension and strong motor skills.

Snugging a camo blankie. What a guy.

Daddy talking to Ryan

The best part of the day was in the evening. I was resting in my room, and Brenton went down to check on little Ry-guy. About 20 minutes later he rushed into the room to show me a video he took on his cell phone. There was Ryan, wide awake, and completely alert. At one part I heard Brenton say on the video, "Can you say hi to Mommy?" and then I watched my sweet little baby wave his hand at the camera. I all but jumped into my wheel chair as we raced down to the NICU so I could see my baby. There he was, still wide awake. I talked to him, and sang him lullabies as happy tears filled my eyes. I knew that my little boy was going to be just fine. I knew it.

Day 4: Thursday, August 26th, 2010

I was able to get out of bed by myself that morning. It was a slow process, but I did it without help. I also got a shower standing up almost the entire time. Another great achievement. I even walked down the hallway to the NICU twice! The doctors rewarded my progress by taking all my IV's out, and having me just take pills for the pain. I was a free woman!

The most exciting part of the day was being able to hold Ryan again. This time, they let me hold him for over an hour. I asked them if we could do some skin-to-skin contact, to help my milk to come in as I was still having a hard time with that. The nurse surprisingly agreed. It felt so good to hold my baby that close. Little Ryan was so adorable. He quickly turned his whole body so that every inch of skin he could possibly reach he was pressed against. He even maneuvered his little feet so that both would be touching my tummy. He needed this time just as much as I did. We kissed and cuddled, and I dang to him again. Brenton told him stories. We had some wonderful family time just the three of us in that small, curtained off section of the NICU. Because of that little session, I was able to pump a little bottle of colostrum for Ryan. I was so proud!

Day 5: Friday, August 27th, 2010

Well, this was the day Mommy had to be discharged to go home. I was still very weak, and terrified about going home to a split-level duplex with lots of stairs. The thought of tackling several stairs terrified me. But insurance only covered 96 hours in the hospital after a c-section, so home I had to go.

I stayed at the hospital until around 4 o'clock. Before leaving, they removed the staples in my tummy and replaced them with adhesive strips. Brenton packed up all my things and flowers, ran it all home, and then came back to get me.

The hardest part was going to the NICU to say goodbye to Ryan. I knew that I would see him again soon, but it was devastating to see all my dreams of leaving the hospital with my sweet little one in my arms come to a skidding halt. To make things worse, his nurse for the day was a complete jerk to us, and all I wanted to do was snatch my baby away from the terrible place with all the wires and tubes. It broke my heart that I couldn't take care of my own baby, but had to leave him in the hands of someone so mean.

That drive home from the hospital was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. I sobbed and sobbed, worrying every second how Ryan was doing. When we got home, Brenton tried everything he could to keep me comfortable. We had to tell ourselves it could be so much worse. We still had our baby, he was making great progress, he was going to make a full recovery. We had much to be grateful for. I knew that. I had to cling to the faith of the many people praying for us, and remember that all would be well.

Day 6: Saturday, August 28th, 2010

We went to the hospital hoping that I would be able to start feeding Ryan that day, but were disappointed. they told us he needed to go another day. I watched him rooting on his hand, fussing because he was hungry, and all he was getting was sugar water and an IV of vitamins. It was so hard to watch him cry because he was hungry, and I couldn't do anything about it but hold his hand and sing to him. I wondered how much longer this nightmare was going to have to be.

Day 7: Sunday, August 29th, 2010

Finally, a good day. We called the NICU to find out what time we could visit Ryan, and they informed us that I could begin to nurse him that day. I was so excited! We arrived at the NICU at 1:00, and they got Ryan all ready to go. I was nervous because I'd never done this before, and there was no lactation consultant there to help me. I had read all the paperwork on how to breastfeed the night before, and so I hoped everything would work out well. Ryan was such a champ. He clamped right down and latched on the first try. I was so proud of him! After his first feed, we waited the three hours until it was time for his next one. Again, he latched on and fed well. What a guy! I had finally done something for my little boy. For the first time, I left the hospital happy.

And that's how our first week went. We were coming out of the woods. Our baby was making daily progress, as was I. While it was a very rough week, and not how I pictured the postpartum recovery after delivering my first child, we knew he was going to be just fine, and that gave us hope. If there's one thing I learned from this week, it was to always keep that hope, because Heavenly Father always keeps his promises.

Ryan Wayne Hoyos: The Start of a Great Adventure, DAY 1

I'm not sure when I'll have time to write this, so for the next few days I'll try to get everything down that I can, in between recovering from Ryan's delivery and visiting him in the NICU. I know people have lots of questions, so here's everything that's happening on our adventure with our sweet, baby boy.

DAY 1: August 23rd, 2010

Sunday night at 11:15 Brenton and I were just getting into bed when I felt a little seeping on the mattress. I looked at Brenton, sat up, and my water broke. In a rush of excitement, we got our bags together, ate a meal since I knew I wouldn't get anything while in labor, and went to the hospital.

We arrived at the hospital and got all settled in. Brenton and I began the Hypnobirthing techniques we'd practiced for months, and I began to relax. Now even though Ryan's birth didn't turn out as planned, I'm still a believer in Hypnobirthing. For the first 6 hours of labor I stayed relaxed and calm, only feeling contractions as I lost focus. If Ryan wasn't so big, I probably would have been able to deliver him naturally just fine.

Around 6am I was dilated to a 7 1/2 and the contractions were so intense I realized it was time for an intervention. I remember lying on my side gripping the bedrail just to get through them. After another 30 minutes the anesthesiologist came in and began the epidural. Now so far the staff had been extraordinary. My nurse was amazing, supportive, and so kind. The anesthesiologist, however, was far from that. He inserted the needle but had to try 4 different times to thread the catheter into my spinal fluid. Every time he'd miss he'd swear and tell me to stop moving, saying if I wanted this to work I had to do what he said. I was in so much pain I had no control over how I was moving. I just sobbed into Brenton's chest trying to stay as still as I could. Poor Brenton lost it seeing me in so much pain and had to sit down for a few minutes. Finally, the epidural was in place and I was able to lie down. In a few minutes, I was numb. What a blessing.

Right after they put the epidural in.

The next few hours progressed smoothly. Both Brenton and I were actually able to get some sleep. I moved from a 7 1/2 to a 10, and we were ready to start pushing. For the first hour or so I was pushing really well, and Ryan was progressing to my pelvis. When he was at a -2, the pain started coming. First of all, I was starving. I hadn't eaten anything in 13 hours. Second, I was tired. Pushing for an hour straight is exhausting. I began looking at the clock wondering why this was taking so long. The nurse kept reassuring me that everything was normal and to keep trying, adding a little Sprite to my ice chips as an incentive.

Over the next 2 1/2 hours I moved Ryan down from a -2 to a +2 through my pelvis. The only problem was every time I'd get him to a +2 pushing, he'd move right back up to a 0 after the contraction. I was getting very frustrated from the pain, exhaustion, and hunger. After 15 1/2 hours of labor, the nurse decided to get the doctor to help me push the rest of Ryan out with forceps. They brought in the delivery table, extra nurses came in to receive Ryan, and the bright spotlights came on. I remember thinking if I could just push a little longer our baby would be here, and the worst would be over. They brought in a new anesthesiologist to give me extra pain meds to handle the pressure of the forceps, and we were ready to go!

I knew I only had to push a little further and our baby would be here. The contractions came, and the doctor helped pull Ryan's head out. Brenton looked at me and said, "He's here, Katie! I can see him! He's right here!" That's when I knew we only had minutes left. I was about see the doctor hold my baby up to the light and I'd hear his beautiful cry.

The next thing I knew I heard the words c-section, shoulders, and "cord around the neck." Then all my IV's were being pulled out, the bed was moving, Brenton was thrown a set of scrubs then disappeared, and I was wheeled out of the room surrounded by twice as many doctors as before. All I remember was saying to anyone within an earshot, "Please, save my baby! Just save my baby!" Once in the OR there was a flutter of blue paper sheets, I was lifted onto the operating table, Brenton was nowhere to be seen, my arms were strapped down crucifix style, and I felt pressure in my lower abdomen as my belly was sliced open. I remember hearing the doctor say, "Oh come on! Come on!" as I felt Ryan being tugged, pulled, and yanked out of me. Then I saw for a split second a limp, lifeless baby rushed to a tiny table which was immediately surrounded by half a dozen people. That was all I got to see of my little Ryan until 2am that evening.

Backing up a bit, here's what happened not from my terrified perspective. As Ryan's head was pulled out the doctor saw that the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck two times, very tightly, and his shoulders were stuck. So if he was pulled out, he would have suffocated. The doctor quickly pushed Ryan's head back in, and raced me into an emergency c-section. It's a technique that none of the other doctor's at my OBGYN had ever performed before except him. He literally saved Ryan's life, as well as mine.

Brenton didn't have time to get the scrubs on to be in the room with me, but after Ryan was delivered and taken to the NICU they let Brenton go and be with him. I was left in the OR to be stitched up. I was so panicked and hysterical about my baby I literally tried to get up from the table to go check on him. They quickly gave me a pretty powerful dose of pain meds so that I was out of it for awhile. As it turns out, before the c-section I had a third degree episiotomy done to make room for Ryan's head, so that needed to be stitched up, too. I had the worst of both worlds. I delivered Ryan both vaginally and through cesarean section, suffering incisions from both.

I remember waking up in a recovery room, waiting to hear about my baby. All anyone told me was, "we're optimistic" which meant, "we really don't know so we can't tell you anything." It was devastating to me. Then my doctor came in and told me he had just been in the NICU to see Ryan. He said Ryan was stable, but that's all he knew for now. He mentioned things like brain damage and organ failure, everything you could imagine, but all that registered with me was, "he's alive." Soon after that Brenton was in the room and told me he saw Ryan. He showed me a picture on his cell phone so I could actually see our baby. I thought by this time my eyes couldn't possibly make more tears, but I began to sob again.

As the nurses were checking on all my pain meds and running IV's through my system left and right, my tummy started to really hurt. They gave me some pitocin to help my uterus go back down to size and I began to have serious contractions again. One of the nurses pressed down on my stomach and a cup of blood gushed out from my uterus. I was hemorrhaging, very badly. Each time they pressed on my abdomen more blood would come out in very large amounts. Yet again, half a dozen medical personal came flooding into the room, some hanging IV's, others poking me again and again and again trying to find a vein for more IV's, but because I was losing so much blood my veins were quickly disappearing. And there was always someone pressing on my abdomen as hard as they could. I began to cry again looking at Brenton and asking, "how much more to I have to give today? What's next?" Finally, after about an hour of pushing and bleeding, my uterus began to contract down. I had lost over two liters of blood.

About an hour later the doctor's decided I needed a blood transfusion. I was so weak I couldn't even string a coherent sentence together. To top it off, it was close to 24 hours I'd been without food, and now because of the c-section all I was allowed was fluids and jell-o. Brenton spoon fed me while they set up two units of blood for me to take. During that time a couple of Brenton's dear family friends came to see us. The husband and Brenton went to the NICU to give Ryan a blessing, and then came back to give me one. I was so grateful, and Brenton told me in Ryan's blessing all would be well, and he would make a full recovery.

After my blood transfusion, it was about 1:30 in the morning, but the nurses knew that I would not go to sleep until I saw my baby. I needed some closure from the day. I needed to know why I was dragged through hell. So very carefully, with IV's still attached, I was gently placed in a wheelchair and Brenton and I went to go see Ryan. I cannot express the emotion of seeing the sweet, baby boy I had carried for nine months sleeping peacefully, alive and breathing in front of me. I took his little hand in mine and tears of gratitude poured down my face. The fact that I got an epidural so that the c-section could happen without wasting time getting me numb. The fact that the one doctor who knew how to save my baby was the one who delivered him. So many things that the Lord put in place to keep us both alive that day. And there we were: beaten, worn out, but alive. All three of us together as a family. I will treasure that moment for the rest of my life.

Seeing Ryan for the very first time.

Happy Birthday, Ryan Wayne Hoyos.

August 23rd, 2010, 3:43 pm

9 lbs 1 oz, 20 in.

I know this was a very long entry, but that's how it all happened, and it was truly the longest and hardest day of my life. How very grateful I am for the modern technologies and medicine we have today. For the amazing medical staff who were so helpful and supportive. For the doctor who saved my life, and my sweet baby's. For my amazing husband who stayed by my side and tenderly watched the two most important people in his life go through all that suffering, yet was strong for us. For the many family and friends who poured out prayers for us. And most importantly, for my Heavenly Father and his Son who took the time to watch over and keep us safe. This is not a trial of our faith, just a trial. The largest one of our lives to this point, but we made it through Day 1 so that there could be a Day 2, and 3 etc...

39 Weeks, Visit from Dad, and a Lovely Lunch Date

Well, here's a quick overview of my past week. For starters, it was odd to wake up each day and not go into work. However, I was so grateful for the much needed rest. Until little Ry-guy gets here, I've told myself that no matter what I'm up to, whenever I feel the urge to take a nap, I will. For the next 20-some-odd years I will no longer have that luxury, so I think I have every right to take advantage of it for a few short weeks. Since I'm still not getting sleep at night, these naps are wonderful.

Second, on Monday Brenton and I went up to Salt Lake to visit my dad for a few hours. He was here on business. We enjoyed a quiet lunch with him and had a wonderful time visiting. I can't tell you how great it was to see my dad. I have no immediate family out here, and so I miss them often. It was a joy to simply chat together and see his smiling face. Dad brought with him a build-a-bear for Ryan that my little niece Anny made with Grandma a few weeks ago. It's adorable, complete with a full Orioles outfit, including the glove, ball, and bat. Brenton thought to name him Cal, and then Dad chimed in with the last name of "Ripbear." So cute! I can just see a future little Ryan dragging his bear by the ear saying, "Mom, I'm gonna go watch the game with Daddy and Cal Ripbear." Dad also brought me a beautiful, real rose, preserved in a glossed coating and brushed with gold. It's the most enchanting "Belle" rose that I've ever seen. It took my breath away. I didn't know you could do something like that. A real rose! Preserved forever! It' s absolutely beautiful. We're getting a bell jar to put it in so it can be just like Belle's. I love it so much. Even though it was a short visit, I was so happy we were able to see my dad. It's nice to know that even though I'm about to become a mommy, I'm still his little girl, too.

Later in the week, Brenton texted me letting me know that he was coming home for lunch that day. A surprise lunch date! Yay! I was glad he let me know ahead of time, so that I could put on something cute, do my hair, and make a tasty lunch. I decided to make it as charming as I could so I set the table all pretty, and even put sprigs of sweet basil into our glasses for the cherry lemonade. Brenton was happy that he could come home and enjoy a meal already prepared, and I was happy because I got to see him for a little bit during the day. It's nice to know that we can still celebrate the little things, and show our affection for each other on any day of the week. He's still my white knight, and I'm still his lovely lady. It was a charming break from the day.

And now it's Sunday again, which marks my 39th week of pregnancy. Ryan is just days away from arriving! I'm not sure when I'll be putting another post on here, but this just may be the last one before the little guy decides to come out. We can't wait! So be checking for when I put up pictures of our little sweetheart.

Leaving Work, Baby Shower, and a Best Friend

Bunch of things to catch up with. However, since I'm not working anymore, I now have the time to write about them. This past Friday was my last day at work. Ryan's getting so big, it's very difficult to do much. On my last day, my kind co-workers threw a surprise farewell party for me. They even had Brenton come! There were pink streamers, balloons, and pictures of Belle posted on the whiteboards. What touched me the most was when my boss opened the floor for anyone to share a memory or something they appreciated about me. I was very touched by several things my co-workers said. I'm very grateful for the job I had there. It was a blessing when I got it, and it has continued to bless me and my family more than just monetarily. I achieved a great sense of self-fulfillment and confidence in myself. It was my first official job since graduating college, and my first job with a salary. Overall I'm very grateful for the positive experience it gave me, and the friendships I made there.

On Saturday, my dear Aunt Shelley and her two daughters threw a baby shower for me and little Ryan. We had such a fun time! They made a delicious lunch for us, and planned fun games to play. It was great to celebrate Ryan's upcoming arrival, and receive some very thoughtful and sweet gifts for him. I'm glad that Ryan stayed in my tummy so that we could have the shower, because he's getting so close to coming out! Before the shower I decided to make a fruit cake that my mom makes. It's so pretty, and I've seen her make it a dozen times, but never tried it myself. It turned out awesome, and I was very pleased with it.

My sweet cousins who were so helpful and dressed up in baby blue for Ryan.

Aunt Shelley, who organized the whole thing, and made everything perfect. She's amazing.

On top of all the planning and work, Shelley also made me these onesies for Ryan. Aren't they adorable?!? Little ties!! I LOVE them!

One of the best parts of the shower for me was the arrival of my best friend, Laura. She recently returned home from her mission in Spain, and is now back out here in Provo for school. I hadn't seen her since before she left, which was the week Brenton proposed to me. I think I would have cried even if I wasn't 9 months pregnant when I saw her come through that door. I've missed her so much. There's nothing in the world like a best girl friend, and I'm of the opinion that every girl truly needs one. She stayed for a few hours after the shower so we could catch up, and just spend time chatting together. I was amazed at how even after almost two years of only writing letters to each other for communication, we slipped back into ourselves instantly as if she'd never been away. I was so happy to see her and realized how many things about her that I love. She has been a true friend to me through the highest and lowest points of my life. The sweetest thing she did that day was look at my toes with the remnants of my last pedicure fading away (which Brenton kindly painted for me two months ago), knowing I could no longer reach my feet, and said, "Ok, dear. Grab your nail polish remover and the color you want. We're repainting these guys." So we sat there chatting while she painted my toes all rosey, and then put little white hearts on them. It makes me smile every time I put my feet up and I think how lucky I am to have a best friend like her.

I have a few other items to report, but we'll save those for another post, most likely tomorrow since I have time these days!

Brenton's Birthday!

My sweetheart turned 24 this past week. Since it was on Tuesday, we opened his presents on Monday night for Family Home Evening. This way we didn't have to get up super early on Tuesday morning and open them before work.

Nationals hat and cap rack for his closet.

Golf tees that Ryan helped pick out by kicking to the right or left to show preference.

Digital picture frame that was on my desk at work, that will now be for his desk at work.

Then on Tuesday, we had cake and Brenton made his birthday wish.

I managed to get him a few presents he wasn't expecting, which was a success for me. I have a hard time getting Brenton presents. Boys tend to like expensive things, and when you've set a budget for the birthday, pricey stuff isn't really feasible. However, I feel I did pretty well, and Brenton was happy.

BYU game-day flags for the car.

Coach's size baseball bag for his work's softball team.

Official Bobby Flay cast-iron skillet and quesadilla flipper for my Master Chef.

Happy Birthday, Brenton. I love you more and more every single day, and can't wait to celebrate many more birthdays with you, including the upcoming official birth day of our little boy!

Pizza and a Piano

Well I'm 37 weeks, and little Ryan could arrive any time. Most likely, he'll go right to his due date, maybe even a little past. That's pretty normal with first pregnancies so I hear. They'll be checking to see if I'm dilated at my appointment this week, which could mean he'll be coming in a few days, or another few weeks. Either way I'm so excited for him to come. Everything's all ready to go!

As our summer is starting to draw to a close, we enjoyed a fun "Pizza Date" with our friends, Todd and Lisa. We each designed personal pizzas. It made me laugh to see how each person designed his/hers. It was a pretty good indication of our personalities. The boys wanted every topping on the table, and threw it all over their pizzas haphazardly. Lisa and I made ours much more organized and aesthetically pleasing. For dessert, Lisa made an amazing fruit and cookie pizza. A true masterpiece that would make Martha Stewart proud. We had a really fun time. Here are some pictures from the event.

This past week, my dear husband surprised me by getting me a piano for our home. I've wanted one for over a year now, but it hasn't been in the financial cards for us. As it turned out, Brenton was researching pianos in the local ads for weeks looking for an affordable one. He found that renting one (not even a good one, mind you) was around $50 a month. We didn't want to add another monthly payment to our budget, so that was out. However, he found someone who was moving that week, and was selling a piano for $300. Brenton talked him down to $250, and had it deliverd for free to our house the very next day. I am so happy to have it! It felt so good to sit down and play a Chopin waltz, Beethoven Sonata, even just several scales! It' s a small upright, fits perfectly for our home, and will do nicely for us to have the next few years. It has brought me so much joy already. I am amazed continually at what an incredible husband I have. I marvel every single day at how fortunate I am to have someone as wonderful as him. I truly believe he wakes up each day and thinks, "What can I do to make my sweet wife happy today?" I love him more than I can type in a blogpost, that's for sure. Oh, and did I mention that his birthday is this week? And instead of thinking about himself, he gets me a piano? Amazing. (Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about his big day. The presents are already purchased and wrapped).