Christmas Season Festivities

This past week was busy, but very fun. It's such a joy to me to have a cozy home full of Christmas decorations and lights. I've been working away on Christmas presents, and taking time to show Ryan all the excitement that comes with the season. Daddy reads him a different Christmas story every night, and Mommy sings Christmas songs all day long.

This week we made 2D gingerbread houses with my best friend Laura and her date, Jeff. We also made Christmas cookies (my mom's classic and delicious recipe) and decorated them with our dear friend, Ethan. Lots of yummy treats and lots of love! It was fun to start our own traditions as a family, and remember that the season is about sharing joy with those that we love so much.

Jeff and Laura decorate their house. It was Laura's idea to make them 2D so that we wouldn't have to focus so much on trying to keep the house from falling apart, and could just spend the time decorating. She's a smart lady!

Poor Brenton! The bag broke while he was trying to squeeze out frosting for the windows. It was pretty funny.

Our finished house

Jeff and Laura's finished house

We had a really fun time, and ended up chatting for several hours after we finished decorating our houses. It helped me realize that the reason we do these little get-togethers is for the pleasant company with dear friends more than anything else.

Making cookies on Saturday. I prided myself in the fact that I made them taste just like Mama's.

Brenton was a great help and made all the frosting

Ethan helped us with the decorating

Ethan and Ryan having some playtime

Our finished cookies!!

So here's to many more fun Christmas traditions in the Hoyos' home. Thanks to our wonderful friends and our sweet baby who keep making this season such a joyful time for us.

Gingerbread Boy

The Christmas season's here! I'm so excited that we get to spend it as a family, just the three of us. I've been enjoying getting all the decorations out, putting up the tree and placing gifts under it. One of the new Christmas projects I've been doing this year has been to make little crocheted Christmas toys for Ryan. They look so cute, and I'm happy that he's starting to get into toys to keep him entertained. Lately his favorite has been the little Gingerbread Man. When I finished making it, I handed it over to him and he immediately hugged it close. It was so darling. Here are a few snapshots of our little guy with his new toy.

Since the Christmas toys have turned out so cute, I've decided to start selling other ones after the first of the year. I'll be making little dolls, snugglies, baby dolls, and stuffed animals. I'd start selling them sooner, but I need to build up a stock first, and I just don't have time during the Christmas season. If you're interested, I'll be making a Facebook page about it in a few more weeks so feel free to spread the word. I've decided to call it "Hooked on Toys." Clever, huh? I know. I know. Get excited!!

October Memories

October was a fun month for me. Fall is my favorite season by far, and it was so great to share it with Ryan. We spent many mornings taking walks in the stroller so he could see the leaves change and feel the wind brush his cheeks. Ryan also experienced his first Halloween, and went as "Super Baby." Mom and Dad matched with shirts and capes reading, "Super Mom" and "Super Dad." I love being a mom, and Brenton is the best dad. Who knew I could be so in love with two boys? They make every day a joy. Here's a two-minute capture of the month.

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

RWH and IKEA

Some of you may know that Brenton's favorite motto is, "Return with Honor." It has always been important to him that wherever he goes he can give an honorable report of his work. I was impressed with that when we first got married and he worked as a door-to-door salesman for the summer. While other co-workers may have fudged the rules or given false promises to make a sale, Brenton was always up front and honest about the product and represented the company well. He knew that in the long run it is always better to be honorable.

When we were choosing names for our baby, we both agreed we wanted to name our little boy Ryan, but were unsure of his middle name. We both felt it would be a nice to give him a family name. After a bit Brenton said, "It should be Wayne." Wayne is my father's name, and the wisest man I know. He is an excellent choice for Ryan to pattern his life after. Brenton then said, "And his initials will be RWH: Return with Honor!" It was perfect.

I'm writing about this now because yesterday Brenton, Ryan and I drove up to Salt Lake City to see my brother Joe returning home from his mission in the San Francisco/Oakland area. Although he was flying home to DC, his flight had a four-hour layover in Salt Lake and we were able to see him. Joseph is an amazing guy. He served his mission with great humility, immense strength, and tremendous faith. As I anxiously waited by security, I knew it was him instantly by the way he walked, smiled, and held his head up. He truly looked like a missionary returning with honor. It radiated out of every piece of him.

I am so proud of my brother for giving up two years of his life to serve the Lord. He is amazing, and inspires me to do better. I love being his sister and I'm so excited that he'll be out here in for school in January.

After a great visit with Joe, we dropped him back off at the airport to catch his flight home and then headed to IKEA. Let me just say, I am a HUGE fan of IKEA! It is a fantastic store for a family on a budget. We got all of Ryan's Christmas presents there for under $50. Awesome. We also got him a highchair for only $25! What a great deal! It was fun to walk around the store with Brenton and pick out things to make our home lovely that we knew we could afford. Mostly, I just loved getting to spend a day out with my husband. He works hard to allow me to stay at home with our baby, and I am so grateful. He is a wonderful man, and I'm a lucky girl.

When Brenton Proposed

Two years ago today, a boy I was very much in love with took me on a date. We walked down south of campus by the Botany Pond and had a picnic. He pulled out two plastic champagne flutes, a bottle of sparkling cider, and a lovely dinner. We sat and ate happily, and then fed the ducks at the pond. A few minutes later, we went for a walk on the brick trail just by the pond. As we walked by a certain tree, I heard music playing. The boy lead me to the tree where a pink rose was laid on a rock. He handed me the rose, sang to me, and got down on one knee, holding out a beautiful, heart-shaped diamond ring. He looked up at me and said, "Katie, you are my best friend. I want you to be my best friend for forever. Will you marry me?" I had planned exactly how I'd respond in my head dozens of times, but I was so excited I simply blurted out, "Yes!" And suddenly, I was engaged to a boy named Brenton, who has made me, and continues to make me the happiest girl in the world.

Singing to my Baby

I can't believe Ryan is almost two months already. How did all of that go by so quickly?! He's growing so fast I can almost watch it happening. Since his return home from the hospital, he has settled down into a much calmer baby. At first because of his traumatic birth he was very fussy, crying several hours a day. However, now that he's assimilating to the comfort of his new home he's much more relaxed, only getting fussy when it's time to eat, change a diaper, or he doesn't feel like going to bed. I fall more and more in love with him every day. He smiles and coos all the time, and waves his little arms and legs everywhere. He's already reached his two month milestones way ahead of schedule, and recognizes Mommy or Daddy by giving us great, big, open-mouthed smiles. It's so adorable.

As a quick update on my health, I'm much better. I received permission from my doctor to begin exercising moderately, and returning back to normal things. It's slow work, but being able to do things on my own has done so much for my mental health. I cried last week when I was able to clean my own kitchen by myself (minus the mopping; I still can't sweep, mop, or vacuum til around Christmas). This past week I was able to pull on and yes, even button up, my pre-pregnancy jeans. I still have a baby bulge over top of them, but it was exhilarating anyway. I've shown no signs of postpartum depression, so overall I'm looking good!

As the days go by with Mommy and Ryan staying at home, we do a lot of singing. We sing when he's happy, sad, trying to go to sleep, learning about Jesus, playing, etc. There isn't a day when I'm not doing about 2-3 hours of singing with my baby. It reminded me of the years in college I spent singing that much. I'd spend hours in the practice rooms, in lessons and recitals, all trying to get my voice to sound beautiful. I realized the other day that as I've been singing to my baby my voice has never sounded clearer or more beautiful. Without even trying my vowels are rounded, my tone is lovely, and I'm holding pitches perfectly. In the past that took great effort and concentration, but now without even thinking about it I'm achieving the same results. I'm not sure why that is, but I have a theory.

I feel that this is one of the blessings my Heavenly Father has given me for being a mother. As wonderful as it is, it's a very draining job. I spend all day and all night in the same house, careing for my baby's every need, often on no sleep. It can be very hard to feel fulfilled as a person when you're trapped at home without a car and very little adult interaction. But when I'm holding my sweet baby boy and singing to him I feel very fulfilled as a mother, and a human being. I feel I've never had a more appreciative audience as Ryan smiles and me and nestles closer in my arms. I feel like the sacrifices I'm making are small compared to the joy I feel to comfort and bless my baby with the talents I've been given. I know it's one way Heavenly Father shows his deep love for me and my son.

While I'm sure I'll be blessed with many opportunities in this life to sing for others and use my talents, I feel my greatest audience will always be the one resting gently in my arms, drifting off to sleep.

Ryan's Adventure: WEEK 2

DAY 8: Monday, August 30th, 2010

Happy first week, baby Ryan. I couldn't believe it had been a whole week since Ryan's birth. Brenton commented to me that it didn't feel like a week, but one very, VERY, long day. He got permission to work from home that day so that he could take care of me until my mother arrived from the airport. With his help, I managed to get a shower and get dressed. While I had plenty of great maternity clothes during my pregnancy, I realized this week I have almost nothing that works for nursing. I don't know when I'm going to be able to buy nursing clothes. Hopefully I find some good things online.

I called the NICU to see how Ryan was doing, and then waited for my mama. When she arrived I wrapped my arms around her and just cried. There are certain experiences in life when you simply need your mom, and nothing else will do. Having a baby is one of those times. Suddenly I knew everything was going to be all right, because Mama was here. She brought me several pretty nightgowns with button-down fronts so I'd be able to nurse in them. That was such a smart idea. If I was wearing a nightgown, it would help remind me that I need to rest, not clean the house, do the dishes, or try and attempt the stairs too often.

Soon after Mama arrived, we left for the NICU. I can't tell you how wonderful it was just to have my mother there as an added strength. I knew that with her at my side, we were going to get Ryan home, and soon. Ryan was making amazing progress. When he was first admitted to the NICU, he was on high-flow oxygen at 10 liters. On Sunday, he was down to 3, and when we saw him that morning he was down to 2. I knew I had a healthy baby who didn't need to be there anymore, and so it was frustrating when I'd talk about having him discharged and everyone would come up with lame excuses as to why he should stay. "Well, he still needs to be monitored." "Who knows what might happen!." What they were really saying was, "Well, we don't want you to sue us later on." "Who knows when we'll lose our funding, so we're going to keep him a few more days and milk your insurance for all it's worth."

It was a very tender moment to watch Grandma meet baby Ryan for the first time. She already has two sweet granddaughters, but this was her first grandson, not to mention he's absolutely adorable. She watched him hold his head up as I fed him, and talked to him. She looked at me and said, "Katie, that is not a brain damaged baby." She was right. He was doing things that are actually ahead of schedule for a normal baby. We knew Ryan was fine, and now it was just the long battle with the doctors to get him discharged. He had nothing left medically to do, it was all the legal junk he had to pass. Now if you think all that legal mumbo-jumbo is necessary, just you wait. You won't believe some of the stuff they had Ryan, Brenton and I do just to get him home.

Mama and I stayed for Ryan's next feeding, and then headed back home to tell Daddy how well Ryan looked. I was surprised when we saw Ryan in the NICU that he wasn't in his usual bed, but in one of the clear, bucket/cart beds that normal babies are in. I figured it was because he was scheduled for an MRI that day and they needed a way to transport him there. Much to our delight, while sitting with Mom and Brenton at dinner we got a call from the hospital saying that Ryan had been moved to the Special Care Nursery. He had graduated! Finally, a real step in the right direction from the hospital. After hearing all their negative feedback, the fact of the matter was that Ryan was progressing, and they needed the space in the NICU, making him no longer their concern. We knew his next step was coming home. I began to cry as I realized there really was light at the end of the tunnel.

That evening, although exhausted beyond measure, Brenton and I went to the hospital for Ryan's 7:00 and 10:00 feedings. I was so worn out, but I knew I had to show the doctors that I could handle Ryan being home. The Special Care Nursery was a very crowded little room, with beds set up in every cranny hooked up with wires and monitors everywhere. It was also severely understaffed. At first Brenton and I were horrified that this was where our baby had been moved. We wanted to snatch him up and run. We realized though that this was in our favor. The nurses were so busy that they'd want to get as many babies out as they could. So Ryan didn't have that much longer to go before we could bust him out of that place.

Rocking Ryan in the Special Care Nursery

DAY 9: Tuesday, August 31st, 2010

Mama came over first thing in the morning, as Brenton had to go back into work. She helped me with everything, and made me breakfast. It was comforting to know that while the hospital had seemed to forget that I was still recovering from massive surgery, my mom sure hadn't. She pampered me in every way that she could.

We arrived at the hospital at 10:30 to feed Ryan. He was down to 1 liter of oxygen, and only on fluids and sugar water. I made sure Grandma got some snuggle time in during that visit. Ryan nestled right into her chest and made himself comfortable. We talked and sang to the little sweetheart, and met with the nurses to fight the legal battles yet again. I was soooooo worn out. I wasn't getting sleep at night because there was no way to lie down without one or both of my incisions burning. In addition my mind was so overwhelmed with everything that I could never settle it down enough to rest properly. After feeding Ryan, my mom took me back to her hotel to rest a bit.

I was planning on resting until 7:30 when I'd go back to the hospital, but we got a call saying we needed to be back by 1:30 to meet with the doctor. It was amazing to me how none of the doctors seemed to care that I was in worse shape than my own baby. Traveling back and forth from the hospital was spreading me very thin, but because I was discharged, no one at the hospital seemed to care about my health anymore.

Back at the hospital I sat down with the nurse practitioner and spoke to her about Ryan and getting him home. He would be weaned off the oxygen by morning the next day, and had to stay off it for 24 hours. That was all that was left. So I said, "after that he can come home then." And of course, she responded with, "well after that we'll re-evaluate, etc..." Ugh! I wanted to scream, "Cut the crap and give me my baby!!"

After that visit Mama took me back to the hotel to eat dinner with Brenton. The hospital called again and said one of the requirements to get Ryan released was for Brenton and I to camp out at the hospital all night to prove we would feed Ryan and take care of him when he's home. So instead of resting, we headed yet again back to the hospital. I was so exhausted at this point. I'm exhausted just typing this all out. What a stupid requirement. Of course we're going to take care of our baby when he's home. But here's where it got really stupid. When we got there, we told the nurses that whenever Ryan was ready to eat, to call us so we could feed him and meet the requirement. They informed us that we only had to feed him when we wanted to, and if we were too tired they'd do it. So the requirement was just to camp out at the hospital, not prove we can feed our baby. How backwards is that?

DAY 10: Wednesday, September 1st, 2010

After camping out all night, Brenton dropped me off at my mom's hotel on his way to work, and she helped me get a shower and ready for the next very long day. I was so drained I could hardly think straight. However, instead of the exhaustion making me weepy and defeated, it made me angry and full of "mother bear" defenses. I was ready to do whatever I had to do, stand up to whatever doctors I had to in order to bring my perfectly healthy baby home.

Mama and I camped out at the hospital all day to complete more stupid requirements for Ryan to come home. At 10:30 I went to feed Ryan, and we got them to take his oxygen completely off. Of course, Ryan did just fine. He was fine three days earlier. The rest of the day was spent in feeding him, and trying to get some rest myself.

That night Brenton came to the hospital after work for our final camp out. Ryan had to be off the oxygen for 24 hours, and then there was nothing left to keep him there except for a bunch of stupid requirements which Brenton and I would complete that evening. First there were movies that he and I had to watch. Then, we needed to have "discharge training." Finally, the stupidest test of them all: the carseat test. Now, granted, I can understand that they would want to make sure we had a decent carseat to take Ryan home in, and would want to inspect that. Fine. So we bring it into the nursery for inspection, where they inform us that Ryan had to be strapped into it and monitored for 90 minutes. WHAT?!?! I'm dead serious. That was a requirement to get him released the next day. I was so sick of all the junk they were making us do, that I realized to fight them on it would just be banging my fists against a mountain, so they strapped our baby boy into his carseat, base and all, and had him sit in it for 90 minutes. Good grief!

However, Brenton and I were stubborn enough that by 2 in the morning, with Ryan now 15 hours off the oxygen, we were able to bring our baby into our hospital room with us. They had dragged their feet long enough. Ryan was like any other baby now, and he belonged with us. Brenton set up our camera on a shelf, and we took a picture of our family all in the hospital room, something I had envisioned happening a week earlier, but nonetheless was now happening.

DAY 11: Thursday, September 2nd, 2010

This time Brenton left for work from the hospital, and I stayed there. I was not going to leave that building without my baby, and no way on earth was any doctor going to come up with any more stupid reasons as to why my baby couldn't go home with me that day. I was so done with all their "covering our own backs" stuff, that I was going to do whatever it took to put my foot down and take my baby home. When my mom arrived, I tried to get some sleep until it was time to meet with the doctors. She held Ryan as we waited for the final discharge to take place.

Finally, now that the staff had nothing else to force at me to keep Ryan from coming home, suddenly everyone was all positive. Instead of " We'll keep our fingers crossed!" it was, "when he goes home today be sure to..." They were out of excuses, so all of a sudden Ryan was normal and the staff wondered why he was still here.

We had to wait for the doctor to do a final exam on our little guy, but finally around 2:00 a nurse came in to wheel him down to the NICU to be assessed. I marched right down with him. I was not going to let some doctor make up some excuse as to why my perfectly healthy baby could not go home that day. I was happy to see that even the doctor didn't care about Ryan anymore. All his monitors were taken off before the exam even took place. I knew that meant that in everyone's eyes he was done, and it was time to go home. Ryan passed with flying colors, of course, and we got the green light to pack up all our things.

Brenton raced from work over to the hospital, and I dressed Ryan in the coming home outfit I had envisioned him wearing a week ago. Tears filled my eyes as I knew that finally, our baby was free. He was coming home with us. We strapped him into his carrier and headed out the door. I realized as we stepped outside that this was the first time Ryan had seen daylight, and breathed fresh, outdoor air. We took a picture, place our baby in the car, and drove home. Finally, we had made it.

Now our little son is home, and while I still have a long recovery ahead of me, I'm not going to report everything on a day-to-day basis anymore. The long nightmare is over, and while we're still working out a few adjustments, such as getting him to nurse again because he's used to bottles now, we're working through them. The most important thing is that both Ryan and I are alive, he's a perfectly healthy, baby boy with no lasting side effects, and no more wires or tubes. He keeps us up from 12-4 AM every night just like any other healthy baby. Most importantly, he is so full of life, and when he looks up at me with that perfect little face my heart is overwhelmed with gratitude for the life of my little boy. We are a family, and will be forever. He is our little guy, and he's finally come home.

Ryan Wayne Hoyos: The Start of a Great Adventure, WEEK 1

DAY 2: Tuesday, August 24th, 2010

The first day of the recovery process, but we were so relieved that it was recovery, and not new problems. It was a very hard day for me physically. I couldn't stand, sit up, or move by myself. That is a very humbling position to be in. I was still hooked up to multiple IV's, and being checked on what seemed like every 30 minutes to make sure my vitals were ok. Since I had lost so much blood, my body was running a fever, my blood pressure was low, and my pulse was very high. Not good conditions for recovery from emergency surgery. Not to mention how emotionally worried I was for my little baby.

The day seemed to go by in one very long blur. I began breast pumping for the first time to help make my milk come in when Ryan was ready for it. I also got permission from the doctor to eat solid foods. That was such a blessing. After having nothing but jell-o and apple juice for 48 hours, I was famished. Three square meals that day really helped to improve my red blood cell count.

The best part of the day was when we went down to the NICU to check on Ryan. He was still completely covered in tubes and IV's, but I got permission to hold him for the first time. We had to be very careful, and it seemed almost impossible due to everything he was hooked up to. However, holding that sweet, beautiful boy in my arms was a treasure. I talked to him, sang, to him, and told him how much I loved him. I told him no matter how things turned out physically, we would love him forever as our own.

Our First Family Photo

The Hoyos Family: Brenton, Katie, and Ryan

We spent a fair amount of time discussing things with doctors. It frustrated me how pessimistic everyone was. Whenever Ryan would do something normal for a little baby, and Brenton and I got all excited, someone had to bring their little black raincloud over and say phrases such as, "Well, that doesn't mean he won't have problems later on," or "don't get too excited, now." I was frustrated to no end because of that. With my body surging with hormones, any time a doctor or nurse said something like that my eyes filled with tears.

That evening when I was helped into bed I reached my breaking point physically. I was so beat down that I couldn't even stand up straight. I was hunched over like an 80-year-old woman with osteoporosis. I sobbed into the bed wondering if I'd ever be normal again, and terrified at the thought that I'd never be well enough to take care of my baby. I remember praying myself to sleep begging for help.

Day 3: Wednesday, August 25th, 2010

I started the day by being able to walk to the bathroom by myself, and brush my teeth while standing up straight. I've never been so happy for brushing my teeth. I was also able to get a shower with the help of a bench, but I still did it. It helped me realize that even though the recovery was going to be long, I would recover. It gave me hope. Not just hope in myself physically, but spiritually and emotionally. It gave me hope for my son, Ryan, to recover also. Both of us would just have to take things one day at a time, but we were going to get there.

I don't remember much else from the day, except for wonderful visits from dear friends and several deliveries of flowers to my room. Any time a nurse would come in they'd call my room the flower shop. One of the nurses commented, "You know I've worked here for over 10 years, and I've never seen a room with this many flowers." It made me feel better to see their beautiful blossoms and sweet scent. I was so grateful to have them, but I also remember thinking that I'd trade them in a second to have my little boy in the room with me instead. I missed him every second.

Ryan began making steady progress that day. He was still on all kinds of meds, but he was doing normal baby things. He could suck on a binky, turn his head, and kept trying to pull the oxygen tube out of his nose. It made me so happy to see that he was aware enough to do those things as they were signs of comprehension and strong motor skills.

Snugging a camo blankie. What a guy.

Daddy talking to Ryan

The best part of the day was in the evening. I was resting in my room, and Brenton went down to check on little Ry-guy. About 20 minutes later he rushed into the room to show me a video he took on his cell phone. There was Ryan, wide awake, and completely alert. At one part I heard Brenton say on the video, "Can you say hi to Mommy?" and then I watched my sweet little baby wave his hand at the camera. I all but jumped into my wheel chair as we raced down to the NICU so I could see my baby. There he was, still wide awake. I talked to him, and sang him lullabies as happy tears filled my eyes. I knew that my little boy was going to be just fine. I knew it.

Day 4: Thursday, August 26th, 2010

I was able to get out of bed by myself that morning. It was a slow process, but I did it without help. I also got a shower standing up almost the entire time. Another great achievement. I even walked down the hallway to the NICU twice! The doctors rewarded my progress by taking all my IV's out, and having me just take pills for the pain. I was a free woman!

The most exciting part of the day was being able to hold Ryan again. This time, they let me hold him for over an hour. I asked them if we could do some skin-to-skin contact, to help my milk to come in as I was still having a hard time with that. The nurse surprisingly agreed. It felt so good to hold my baby that close. Little Ryan was so adorable. He quickly turned his whole body so that every inch of skin he could possibly reach he was pressed against. He even maneuvered his little feet so that both would be touching my tummy. He needed this time just as much as I did. We kissed and cuddled, and I dang to him again. Brenton told him stories. We had some wonderful family time just the three of us in that small, curtained off section of the NICU. Because of that little session, I was able to pump a little bottle of colostrum for Ryan. I was so proud!

Day 5: Friday, August 27th, 2010

Well, this was the day Mommy had to be discharged to go home. I was still very weak, and terrified about going home to a split-level duplex with lots of stairs. The thought of tackling several stairs terrified me. But insurance only covered 96 hours in the hospital after a c-section, so home I had to go.

I stayed at the hospital until around 4 o'clock. Before leaving, they removed the staples in my tummy and replaced them with adhesive strips. Brenton packed up all my things and flowers, ran it all home, and then came back to get me.

The hardest part was going to the NICU to say goodbye to Ryan. I knew that I would see him again soon, but it was devastating to see all my dreams of leaving the hospital with my sweet little one in my arms come to a skidding halt. To make things worse, his nurse for the day was a complete jerk to us, and all I wanted to do was snatch my baby away from the terrible place with all the wires and tubes. It broke my heart that I couldn't take care of my own baby, but had to leave him in the hands of someone so mean.

That drive home from the hospital was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. I sobbed and sobbed, worrying every second how Ryan was doing. When we got home, Brenton tried everything he could to keep me comfortable. We had to tell ourselves it could be so much worse. We still had our baby, he was making great progress, he was going to make a full recovery. We had much to be grateful for. I knew that. I had to cling to the faith of the many people praying for us, and remember that all would be well.

Day 6: Saturday, August 28th, 2010

We went to the hospital hoping that I would be able to start feeding Ryan that day, but were disappointed. they told us he needed to go another day. I watched him rooting on his hand, fussing because he was hungry, and all he was getting was sugar water and an IV of vitamins. It was so hard to watch him cry because he was hungry, and I couldn't do anything about it but hold his hand and sing to him. I wondered how much longer this nightmare was going to have to be.

Day 7: Sunday, August 29th, 2010

Finally, a good day. We called the NICU to find out what time we could visit Ryan, and they informed us that I could begin to nurse him that day. I was so excited! We arrived at the NICU at 1:00, and they got Ryan all ready to go. I was nervous because I'd never done this before, and there was no lactation consultant there to help me. I had read all the paperwork on how to breastfeed the night before, and so I hoped everything would work out well. Ryan was such a champ. He clamped right down and latched on the first try. I was so proud of him! After his first feed, we waited the three hours until it was time for his next one. Again, he latched on and fed well. What a guy! I had finally done something for my little boy. For the first time, I left the hospital happy.

And that's how our first week went. We were coming out of the woods. Our baby was making daily progress, as was I. While it was a very rough week, and not how I pictured the postpartum recovery after delivering my first child, we knew he was going to be just fine, and that gave us hope. If there's one thing I learned from this week, it was to always keep that hope, because Heavenly Father always keeps his promises.

Ryan Wayne Hoyos: The Start of a Great Adventure, DAY 1

I'm not sure when I'll have time to write this, so for the next few days I'll try to get everything down that I can, in between recovering from Ryan's delivery and visiting him in the NICU. I know people have lots of questions, so here's everything that's happening on our adventure with our sweet, baby boy.

DAY 1: August 23rd, 2010

Sunday night at 11:15 Brenton and I were just getting into bed when I felt a little seeping on the mattress. I looked at Brenton, sat up, and my water broke. In a rush of excitement, we got our bags together, ate a meal since I knew I wouldn't get anything while in labor, and went to the hospital.

We arrived at the hospital and got all settled in. Brenton and I began the Hypnobirthing techniques we'd practiced for months, and I began to relax. Now even though Ryan's birth didn't turn out as planned, I'm still a believer in Hypnobirthing. For the first 6 hours of labor I stayed relaxed and calm, only feeling contractions as I lost focus. If Ryan wasn't so big, I probably would have been able to deliver him naturally just fine.

Around 6am I was dilated to a 7 1/2 and the contractions were so intense I realized it was time for an intervention. I remember lying on my side gripping the bedrail just to get through them. After another 30 minutes the anesthesiologist came in and began the epidural. Now so far the staff had been extraordinary. My nurse was amazing, supportive, and so kind. The anesthesiologist, however, was far from that. He inserted the needle but had to try 4 different times to thread the catheter into my spinal fluid. Every time he'd miss he'd swear and tell me to stop moving, saying if I wanted this to work I had to do what he said. I was in so much pain I had no control over how I was moving. I just sobbed into Brenton's chest trying to stay as still as I could. Poor Brenton lost it seeing me in so much pain and had to sit down for a few minutes. Finally, the epidural was in place and I was able to lie down. In a few minutes, I was numb. What a blessing.

Right after they put the epidural in.

The next few hours progressed smoothly. Both Brenton and I were actually able to get some sleep. I moved from a 7 1/2 to a 10, and we were ready to start pushing. For the first hour or so I was pushing really well, and Ryan was progressing to my pelvis. When he was at a -2, the pain started coming. First of all, I was starving. I hadn't eaten anything in 13 hours. Second, I was tired. Pushing for an hour straight is exhausting. I began looking at the clock wondering why this was taking so long. The nurse kept reassuring me that everything was normal and to keep trying, adding a little Sprite to my ice chips as an incentive.

Over the next 2 1/2 hours I moved Ryan down from a -2 to a +2 through my pelvis. The only problem was every time I'd get him to a +2 pushing, he'd move right back up to a 0 after the contraction. I was getting very frustrated from the pain, exhaustion, and hunger. After 15 1/2 hours of labor, the nurse decided to get the doctor to help me push the rest of Ryan out with forceps. They brought in the delivery table, extra nurses came in to receive Ryan, and the bright spotlights came on. I remember thinking if I could just push a little longer our baby would be here, and the worst would be over. They brought in a new anesthesiologist to give me extra pain meds to handle the pressure of the forceps, and we were ready to go!

I knew I only had to push a little further and our baby would be here. The contractions came, and the doctor helped pull Ryan's head out. Brenton looked at me and said, "He's here, Katie! I can see him! He's right here!" That's when I knew we only had minutes left. I was about see the doctor hold my baby up to the light and I'd hear his beautiful cry.

The next thing I knew I heard the words c-section, shoulders, and "cord around the neck." Then all my IV's were being pulled out, the bed was moving, Brenton was thrown a set of scrubs then disappeared, and I was wheeled out of the room surrounded by twice as many doctors as before. All I remember was saying to anyone within an earshot, "Please, save my baby! Just save my baby!" Once in the OR there was a flutter of blue paper sheets, I was lifted onto the operating table, Brenton was nowhere to be seen, my arms were strapped down crucifix style, and I felt pressure in my lower abdomen as my belly was sliced open. I remember hearing the doctor say, "Oh come on! Come on!" as I felt Ryan being tugged, pulled, and yanked out of me. Then I saw for a split second a limp, lifeless baby rushed to a tiny table which was immediately surrounded by half a dozen people. That was all I got to see of my little Ryan until 2am that evening.

Backing up a bit, here's what happened not from my terrified perspective. As Ryan's head was pulled out the doctor saw that the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck two times, very tightly, and his shoulders were stuck. So if he was pulled out, he would have suffocated. The doctor quickly pushed Ryan's head back in, and raced me into an emergency c-section. It's a technique that none of the other doctor's at my OBGYN had ever performed before except him. He literally saved Ryan's life, as well as mine.

Brenton didn't have time to get the scrubs on to be in the room with me, but after Ryan was delivered and taken to the NICU they let Brenton go and be with him. I was left in the OR to be stitched up. I was so panicked and hysterical about my baby I literally tried to get up from the table to go check on him. They quickly gave me a pretty powerful dose of pain meds so that I was out of it for awhile. As it turns out, before the c-section I had a third degree episiotomy done to make room for Ryan's head, so that needed to be stitched up, too. I had the worst of both worlds. I delivered Ryan both vaginally and through cesarean section, suffering incisions from both.

I remember waking up in a recovery room, waiting to hear about my baby. All anyone told me was, "we're optimistic" which meant, "we really don't know so we can't tell you anything." It was devastating to me. Then my doctor came in and told me he had just been in the NICU to see Ryan. He said Ryan was stable, but that's all he knew for now. He mentioned things like brain damage and organ failure, everything you could imagine, but all that registered with me was, "he's alive." Soon after that Brenton was in the room and told me he saw Ryan. He showed me a picture on his cell phone so I could actually see our baby. I thought by this time my eyes couldn't possibly make more tears, but I began to sob again.

As the nurses were checking on all my pain meds and running IV's through my system left and right, my tummy started to really hurt. They gave me some pitocin to help my uterus go back down to size and I began to have serious contractions again. One of the nurses pressed down on my stomach and a cup of blood gushed out from my uterus. I was hemorrhaging, very badly. Each time they pressed on my abdomen more blood would come out in very large amounts. Yet again, half a dozen medical personal came flooding into the room, some hanging IV's, others poking me again and again and again trying to find a vein for more IV's, but because I was losing so much blood my veins were quickly disappearing. And there was always someone pressing on my abdomen as hard as they could. I began to cry again looking at Brenton and asking, "how much more to I have to give today? What's next?" Finally, after about an hour of pushing and bleeding, my uterus began to contract down. I had lost over two liters of blood.

About an hour later the doctor's decided I needed a blood transfusion. I was so weak I couldn't even string a coherent sentence together. To top it off, it was close to 24 hours I'd been without food, and now because of the c-section all I was allowed was fluids and jell-o. Brenton spoon fed me while they set up two units of blood for me to take. During that time a couple of Brenton's dear family friends came to see us. The husband and Brenton went to the NICU to give Ryan a blessing, and then came back to give me one. I was so grateful, and Brenton told me in Ryan's blessing all would be well, and he would make a full recovery.

After my blood transfusion, it was about 1:30 in the morning, but the nurses knew that I would not go to sleep until I saw my baby. I needed some closure from the day. I needed to know why I was dragged through hell. So very carefully, with IV's still attached, I was gently placed in a wheelchair and Brenton and I went to go see Ryan. I cannot express the emotion of seeing the sweet, baby boy I had carried for nine months sleeping peacefully, alive and breathing in front of me. I took his little hand in mine and tears of gratitude poured down my face. The fact that I got an epidural so that the c-section could happen without wasting time getting me numb. The fact that the one doctor who knew how to save my baby was the one who delivered him. So many things that the Lord put in place to keep us both alive that day. And there we were: beaten, worn out, but alive. All three of us together as a family. I will treasure that moment for the rest of my life.

Seeing Ryan for the very first time.

Happy Birthday, Ryan Wayne Hoyos.

August 23rd, 2010, 3:43 pm

9 lbs 1 oz, 20 in.

I know this was a very long entry, but that's how it all happened, and it was truly the longest and hardest day of my life. How very grateful I am for the modern technologies and medicine we have today. For the amazing medical staff who were so helpful and supportive. For the doctor who saved my life, and my sweet baby's. For my amazing husband who stayed by my side and tenderly watched the two most important people in his life go through all that suffering, yet was strong for us. For the many family and friends who poured out prayers for us. And most importantly, for my Heavenly Father and his Son who took the time to watch over and keep us safe. This is not a trial of our faith, just a trial. The largest one of our lives to this point, but we made it through Day 1 so that there could be a Day 2, and 3 etc...

39 Weeks, Visit from Dad, and a Lovely Lunch Date

Well, here's a quick overview of my past week. For starters, it was odd to wake up each day and not go into work. However, I was so grateful for the much needed rest. Until little Ry-guy gets here, I've told myself that no matter what I'm up to, whenever I feel the urge to take a nap, I will. For the next 20-some-odd years I will no longer have that luxury, so I think I have every right to take advantage of it for a few short weeks. Since I'm still not getting sleep at night, these naps are wonderful.

Second, on Monday Brenton and I went up to Salt Lake to visit my dad for a few hours. He was here on business. We enjoyed a quiet lunch with him and had a wonderful time visiting. I can't tell you how great it was to see my dad. I have no immediate family out here, and so I miss them often. It was a joy to simply chat together and see his smiling face. Dad brought with him a build-a-bear for Ryan that my little niece Anny made with Grandma a few weeks ago. It's adorable, complete with a full Orioles outfit, including the glove, ball, and bat. Brenton thought to name him Cal, and then Dad chimed in with the last name of "Ripbear." So cute! I can just see a future little Ryan dragging his bear by the ear saying, "Mom, I'm gonna go watch the game with Daddy and Cal Ripbear." Dad also brought me a beautiful, real rose, preserved in a glossed coating and brushed with gold. It's the most enchanting "Belle" rose that I've ever seen. It took my breath away. I didn't know you could do something like that. A real rose! Preserved forever! It' s absolutely beautiful. We're getting a bell jar to put it in so it can be just like Belle's. I love it so much. Even though it was a short visit, I was so happy we were able to see my dad. It's nice to know that even though I'm about to become a mommy, I'm still his little girl, too.

Later in the week, Brenton texted me letting me know that he was coming home for lunch that day. A surprise lunch date! Yay! I was glad he let me know ahead of time, so that I could put on something cute, do my hair, and make a tasty lunch. I decided to make it as charming as I could so I set the table all pretty, and even put sprigs of sweet basil into our glasses for the cherry lemonade. Brenton was happy that he could come home and enjoy a meal already prepared, and I was happy because I got to see him for a little bit during the day. It's nice to know that we can still celebrate the little things, and show our affection for each other on any day of the week. He's still my white knight, and I'm still his lovely lady. It was a charming break from the day.

And now it's Sunday again, which marks my 39th week of pregnancy. Ryan is just days away from arriving! I'm not sure when I'll be putting another post on here, but this just may be the last one before the little guy decides to come out. We can't wait! So be checking for when I put up pictures of our little sweetheart.