On the Upswing?

Could this be the end of the horrible nausea? It's only my 10th week, but the past three days I really haven't felt any long-lasting tummy aches (knock on wood), and have been pretty comfortable with eating whatever I want. It is common that as you get to the last few weeks of the first trimester, some of the stomach symptoms wear off. I hope this isn't just a few days of relief only for it to come back with a vengeance. I still have aversions to certain smells and tastes, but for the most part it's been a much easier week for my tummy.

In other news, I'm starting to show. Right now it's just a small bump mixed with the seemingly jiggly fat, which is actually water due to the "baby bloat." However, as the days go by my stomach is getting less flabby, yet not getting any skinnier. I can no longer wear most of my normal clothes, unless the pants are low-rise, and the shirts are long and stretchy. I've started wearing maternity dresses and pants to work because quite frankly they're much more comfortable, and because there really is a bump there now. It's funny as I interview prospective students at my work, they all look at my tummy. The post-pregnant women sort of smile and give me a knowing glance or wink. Most of the men look, and you can literally watch them mentally contemplate whether or not to say anything, decide against it, but keep awkwardly glancing at my stomach for the next hour and a half. It's kind of amusing, actually.

Now that my amazing blanket it finished, I've begun a new project. I'm crocheting stacking rings for the baby. They all slide onto a small post that I made first. The theme is pond animals. I've completed the base, and two of the three rings, and it's looking so adorable. I'll most likely be done by the weekend, and can post up some pictures of that. I know I don't really put pictures up on my blog. Most of the time they just get posted on facebook, or I make a kodak album and send them off to family. I'm sure once the little peanut-sized Hoyos baby arrives, there'll be plenty of pictures on here to enjoy.

That's about it for now. My other goal for the week is to make our new place look decent enough so that I can send pictures of it to the family. No one on the Abernathy side has seen it yet, just the two Hoyos siblings who live out here. Other than that, it's just a date with my husband tomorrow night, slowly getting my appetite back, and reading books about my growing little sweetheart, soon to be the most precious gift in Brenton's and my life.

Exhaustion + Nausea + Stress = One Melodramatic First Trimester

The baby is only the size of a large raspberry, and I'm a walking roller coaster with all the hormones surging through my body. Honestly, this first trimester has been so much harder than anticipated. One minute I'm so exhausted I can hardly lift my eyelids, the next I'm crying in the middle of "The Little Mermaid." I also have a hard time finishing things because just like my desire for food (which is practically non-existent), my drive to get things done is very fleeting. I'm having a hard time simply writing this blog, and I've started writing it about 10 different times this week. I feel like I'm not myself. All the foods I used to love suddenly make me gag, I'm tired all the time, and simple tasks that used to take me five minutes stretch into days. Even my personality is changing depending on how sick or moody I feel. I also feel very ugly every day. What with all the new acne that surprises me each morning I'm only getting fatter, just not fat enough to look like I'm pregnant. It's almost as if I'm just a carrier for the baby and my real self won't come back until I'm a mom. I don't know. It's so hard to explain.

I'm aware the most of the time I'm a complete drama queen, being whiny and tired all the time. I pick up a sandwich that I usually enjoy and start to cry as I smell it and feel the nausea instantly settle in my stomach. I'm so frustrated that I can't do anything efficiently anymore. Typically, the only thing running through my thoughts is, "What's wrong with me? Why can't I just pull it together?" It's too early to shop for baby things, especially since I don't know if they'll be pink or blue yet. I can't feel the baby kick, it's too early to hear the heartbeat, so there are times when I wonder if I'm even pregnant at all, or simply going out of my mind. I'm so moody that when anyone is rude or gets upset with me I fight back tears like a five-year-old. I get super upset when I hear people talking about me saying, "It's not like it's that hard. Why does she have to look so tired all the time?" Especially when none of them have ever been pregnant before. It's too early for me to wear maternity clothes, but the bloating is so bad that I'm too fat for my other clothes. Talk about literally not fitting in.

I know most of this post didn't make much sense. But maybe sometime there will be another girl going through her first trimester who will stumble upon it and feel like she's not alone in her miseries. 4 more weeks. Ick.

Elation mixed with Tummy Grumbles

Yes, it's true! I'm pregnant! Today marks 7 1/2 weeks along for our soon-to-be baby Hoyos. I can't quite express the elation, happiness, nervousness, and gratitude that I feel. I'm amazed at how rapidly my body is already changing, even though the baby is only the size of a blueberry. I'm constantly bloated and enlarged in other frontal areas, making my usual clothes fit rather unusually. The hormones rushing through my body are helping the baby grow rapidly, but also making me feel like I'm going through round 2 of puberty. I wake up each morning with about 10 new blemishes on my face, I'm moody all the time, tired, and often feel like I don't know how I'll get through the rest of the day.

When I'm not nauseous, I'm ecstatic at the prospect of becoming a mother. It is something I have dreamed of becoming my whole life. I can't think of anything else in this life as rewarding as raising a child. I know that it will be the most difficult thing I'll ever be asked to do, but I've never been more eager to do it. Just to see his/her tiny face look up into mine and smile would make the mountains of dishes and sleepless nights seem worth it. That's my theory, anyway.

Now that I'm well into my first trimester, the nausea has taken full force, and the evenings are AWFUL! It's about all I can do not to cry, and some nights I can't help it and sob my heart out. The interesting thing is, I often don't throw-up, I just have the nausea. That often times feels worse. I usually feel pretty good during the day, and so I think, "I must have been overreacting last night. It couldn't have been that bad." Then I get home from work and realize I wasn't imagining it. It's so painful.

And so I'm embarking on the next big step in my life, that will once again change it forever, but in the best way possible. Not to mention I get to go through it all with my best friend. In addition to expanding our eternal family, I'm so excited that he or she will look like us. Talk about the sweetest summation of our relationship, to see that our beautiful little baby has "daddy's nose," and "mommy's eyes," etc. I can hardly wait to see how he/she will look. Until then it's a waiting game filled with wonderful surprises and PLENTY of tummy grumbles. Oh boy. (or girl!)