Something There That Wasn't There Before

Thought we'd spread some Christmas cheer.

Coming end of July, 2013. We are thrilled!!!

Merry Christmas to all!

Don't Cry Over Spilled Crayons

I've said this before, but it always surprises me how my teaching moments for Ryan turn into teaching moments for me. This particular lesson centered around crayons. Lots of crayons.

Normally, Ryan's pretty good about picking up after himself so long as I'm there to help. Last weekend, however, I decided to help him clean up everything but his crayons. He had dumped the entire bag on the floor just to be funny, and I wanted him to clean it up by himself. 

I started basic. "Ryan, pick up your crayons." He ignored me. I tried again. "Ryan, please pick up your crayons." This time he ran away saying, "no!" That earned him his first time out. A few minutes later, we tried again. "Ryan, pick up your crayons." He grabbed Brown Bear and ran away. Brenton caught him and took away the toy saying, "Ryan, you can have Brown Bear back once you put away your crayons." Total meltdown. Ryan started crying, begging for Brown Bear, and my patience was drained. I folded my arms and stood over him saying, "Ryan, we'll do this for hours if we have to, but you're picking up these crayons! Just do it! Just pick them up!" To no avail. After a few more tries with time outs and stern voices, nearly half an hour went by and not a single crayon was picked up. Ryan was miserable and I was exasperated. 

At this point, I was sitting on the floor staring at the crayons with every intention of picking them up myself, putting Ryan to bed, and chalking it all up to experience. I had reached my breaking point. For me, this is usually the time when the Savior comes in and teaches. As I sat there holding the empty bag for the crayons I thought, "does the Savior stand over me, chastising when I make a mistake and refuse to clean it up, or does He listen to me and encourage me to be better?" After a deep breath, I picked up my son, held him close, gave him a few kisses and told him how much I loved him. Then I picked up the empty bag and said, "can you bring the crayons to me?" Instantly, my sweet little boy eagerly picked up every single crayon and placed it in the bag while we sang the "Clean-up" song together. Inside of two minutes the floor was crayon-free. When he was finished, Ryan threw his hands up in the air and said, "Tah-dah!" He was so proud of himself, and with tears in my eyes I learned that children respond far better to love than anger. 

Ryan picked up every single one of his crayons. I didn't help him. I wish it wouldn't have taken me so long to figure this lesson out, but I'm grateful at how quick to forgive little children are. I'm sure Ryan has since forgotten this entire experience, but it certainly left an impression on me. Sometimes in life we intentionally make a mess. Maybe we think it's funny, or maybe we want to get back at someone else. Either way it's our responsibility to clean it up, but the Savior is always there with His hands outstretched, coaching and motivating us through the repentance process, encouraging us to do better. That's the kind of parent I want to be. Lesson learned. 

My Favorite Things

During the Christmas season, when I have yuletide music playing just about every minute of the day, I always laugh when the song, "My Favorite Things" begins to play. I turn to Brenton and say, "this isn't a Christmas song! Why do they only play it at Christmas?!" It's really a shame because it's such a wonderful song, and now when it's played during any other month people turn to each other and say, "why are they playing a Christmas song?" To which I stamp my little foot and say, "it ISN'T a Christmas song!" Bah! Humbug!

I've written before that every night as part of Ryan's bedtime routine, the last thing I do before placing him into his crib is rock and sing to him. I've sung dozens and dozens of songs to him over the past two years, one of them being "My Favorite Things." About a year ago, I realized while many of the things in the song I like, they're not necessarily my favorite. I do enjoy a good, crisp apple strudel, and I think wild geese are quite lovely, especially with the moon on their wings. However, I'm not sure I'd categorize them as my favorite things.

So while I was singing it once again, rocking my baby to sleep, I changed the lyrics a bit to talk about the things that are really my favorite. Here's my version, sung now dozens and dozens of times to my little boy. It's not all my favorite things of course, just a few that really matter to me.

The day I got married and became a Mrs.

Sweet baby boys and their mommy's soft kisses,

Sparkling diamonds on my wedding rings,

These are a few of my favorite things.

Playtime with Daddy and rocking with Mommy

The look on his face when my husband first saw me,

The love that we share and the flowers he brings,

These are a few of my favorite things.

Making a gift for somebody who loves me,

The day you were born and I became a mommy,

Listening to my own mom as she sings,

These are a few of my favorite things.

Your cute little feet, especially your toes,

Watching my sweet baby boy as he grows,

Feeling so happy it's like I have wings,

These are a few of my favorite things.

When the bills pile,

When I can't smile,

When I'm feeling sad,

I simply remember my favorite things,

And then I don't feel so bad. 

Perhaps I will add more verses as time goes by, as there are so many things that are my favorite. For example, I LOVE the Fall. It is my favorite season. It fills my whole soul with joy seeing the leaves change color, making tasty treats with pumpkin, going for walks, wearing argyle sweaters, drinking cider on the porch, and so many other things. In fact, I think I could write another four verses to "My Favorite Things" just about the Fall. Perhaps "crisp apple strudels" can stay in that one. Maybe even warm, woolen mittens, too!

Mommy of a Boy

There's no doubt about it, I'm the mommy of a little boy. Despite my 100% feminine nature, having a son has toughened me up just enough to make mud pies in the backyard, play with dinosaurs that eat other dinosaurs, and instead of screaming at the sight of a bug, letting it crawl onto a piece of paper so my inquisitive little boy can examine it. None of this is in my nature. I was born with glitter in my veins. My idea of a perfect world is one without spiders, where mud never gets on my clothes, and every pair of shoes I own is sparkly.

The day I discovered my first child would be a boy, I was blown away. I spent many a sleepless night wondering, "How on earth am I going to raise him? What do I know about cars, sports, and superheroes?" The day he was born all those doubts and worries vanished. I didn't have to know all the names of Thomas & His Friends, I just had to love my baby. And looking into his perfect little face, all the love in the world wasn't enough to explain how I felt about him.

As my little boy has grown, I've learned a lot more about cars. Not all the specs and mechanisms of the engine, but how to push them across a carpet while saying. "vroooom! vroom!!" I've learned it doesn't matter if it's a baseball, basketball, football, or red plastic ball from the drugstore, each is just as fun to throw back and forth in the yard. Superheroes are pretty cool, and I now know all about the Avengers and Batman (which has done far more for my marriage than my mommy skills). And yes, I also know all the names of Thomas & His Friends, my personal favorite being Gordon.

I know that my future daughters will come and when they do, my tea set and sparkly pink shoes will be ready. For now, I'm perfectly happy enjoying every minute I get to spend digging in sandboxes, spinning in circles til we can't stop giggling, and playing with the best little boy in the world. Still not a fan of spiders, though.

It's the Little Things

This week was not the greatest. I guess it's just the little things.

Ryan was sick for a few days, I messed up a crochet project and had to start over, my quest for Brenton's birthday presents didn't pan out, you get the picture. I was hanging in there and soldiering through when I realized I would have been 20 weeks along and found out the gender of our baby this week. That was my breaking point, and I burst into a full meltdown this morning.

To quote Charlie Brown, lately it feels like "everything I touch gets ruined." My starter plants in the front yard were eaten by birds, my hanging basket of fuchsias died, our cucumbers are bitter, the peppers rot before they're ripe, and a bunny keeps eating our low hanging tomatoes and zucchini. It feels as though everything I try to nurture and raise either dies or falls apart. I would have been halfway along in my pregnancy yet here I sit, barren and empty as another month goes by without a positive test. It's becoming a disheartening trial for me. 

About the only thing that has been growing really well is our cherry tomatoes. I pick about 3 dozen or so everyday. Today, those little, bright red tomatoes taught me a comforting lesson. All by itself, a cherry tomato isn't much. Just a little, juicy morsel that brightens your day for moment. But put all of them together, and you have a whole basket full of juicy, delicious fruit. You sit on the front porch and pop several in your mouth at once, wondering how something so small could taste so delicious and make you so happy. 

Here's my lesson. "By small and simple things are great things brought to pass" (Alma 37:6). Instead of letting the negative things bring me down, I can focus on the little cherry tomatoes of life that bring me joy. A long hug from my son, a kiss from my husband, a call from a friend, an uplifting song on the radio, a particular verse of scripture. All by itself, a little moment isn't much. But put all of them together and I have a whole basket full of happy, uplifting moments of joy. 

I guess it's just the little things. 

Life in the Bluegrass State

Ok, now that I've written about the miscarriage and can process my thoughts better, I believe some updates are in order.

About 36 hours after we moved to Kentucky and unpacked the truck (with the help of our amazing church congregation out here), we headed out to DC for my little brother's wedding. It was great to see our family and all be together for such a happy event. In between wedding festivities and visiting with family, we took Ryan to the National Zoo. He loved everything, and made animal sounds left and right. Also during the week, Brenton and I went out to dinner to celebrate our 3rd wedding anniversary. We ordered three desserts at one of my favorite Greek restaurants. One for each year. They were delicious!  (strawberry cheesecake, white chocolate raspberry mousse cake, and creme brulee)

After the wedding, we headed back to Kentucky so Brenton could start his new job, and I could settle in the house. Brenton's first day of work was on our actual anniversary, May 1st. He had to work until around 9:30 in the evening, so we were grateful for the early celebration the week before. However, when he got home he surprised me with some sparkling cider, chocolates and a movie. We cuddled up on the couch surrounded by boxes and enjoyed the time together. 

Since then we've unpacked, settled in and started making our house a home. Everyone has been so kind here. I've never lived in an area where the people are more friendly. Honest.

Here's a little slideshow of our move, trip to DC, and our first month or so living in Kentucky. While we may have had a few bumps in the road, things are looking up, and we're very happy.

Make a video - it's fun, easy and free!
www.onetruemedia.com

Thoughts on a Miscarriage

I haven't written since the move not because I don't have updates to give, but because every time I sit down to write there's only one topic that comes to mind. I've thought about putting it aside and writing about it later, but for whatever reason I can't seem to write about anything else until this gets off my chest. I'm really not one to suffer in silence. It's not in my nature. And as I've been going through this experience I've found there's not much out there from the perspective of the expectant mother, just from doctors.

So yes, last month I had a miscarriage. It all happened so fast. I found out I was expecting, was absolutely thrilled, and within a few weeks lost the baby. I was completely devastated. I had just enough time to be ecstatic about adding a new member to our family. Over the next few weeks I planned exciting ways to tell my parents and in-laws the good news, as we would be moving from Utah and seeing both of them within a week of each other. It was the perfect time to tell them Baby #2 was on the way.

The day of our move all my excitement and anticipation was ripped away from me. I cannot fully describe the emotional disappointment and loss of a miscarriage. It came without warning, without feeling, understanding, or comfort. I felt like my baby was ripped from my arms along with all my hopes and dreams for her/him. As we drove away in our U-Haul, I felt like we were leaving her/him behind. It was a very hard day.

Looking back now, there is nothing on that first day that brings any comfort but prayer. There is nothing anyone can say that will make you feel better, and there's nothing that can bring your baby back to you. All you feel is empty. It brought a new level of sadness to my life I had never experienced, and pray I never have to experience ever again.

Over the next few days, I found myself crying uncontrollably for no reason at all. Not only did I lose my baby, but I had no control over my emotions due to the raging hormones that proceed a miscarriage. I was irritable, exhausted, very weepy, sometimes numb, but mostly heartbroken. Each day I would wake up with a sinking feeling in my stomach, remembering the baby was gone. It felt so awful. I wondered when I would finally start to feel better. I wished so badly I could fast forward to the day when I didn't feel so sad anymore.

Now a month and a half later, I'm doing much better. I still shed a few tears every once in awhile and give myself time to grieve, but I don't give myself time to mope. Having a new house to move into and plenty of boxes to unpack was surprisingly great therapy. It gave me time to think without sitting around feeling sorry for myself. I put my sadness into my work. I unpacked when I felt restless, played piano when I felt depressed, and held my little boy when I felt weepy. A few times I even danced when I felt annoyed or frustrated. Each activity helped in its own way, and I never tried to repress the way I was feeling. My dear husband was very patient with me as I tried to work through all the emotions. He's been a great support through the entire ordeal.

I don't know why I had a miscarriage, but I do know everything's going to be okay at some point. I still look at the calendar and think, "I would be 'x' weeks along now..." and try not to cry. Some days I'm even a bit jealous of my friends that are currently expecting. Other days I'm very happy and busy being a full-time mom. I scoop up my little boy and cover him with kisses, grateful for every minute I get to spend being Ryan's mommy. Every day I get down on my knees to pray for support from my Heavenly Father. I know this is all part of His plan. My little baby is not gone forever. He/she is still coming to our family. For whatever reason the body I was creating for him/her wasn't right and so it was discarded. Now I have another chance to create a better one. It's all part of the plan.

I didn't write this looking for sympathy, but to hopefully share some empathy with those who may have gone or will go through a miscarriage themselves. Maybe it will bring comfort should another woman I know go through this painful process. My advice? Look to those who love you for comfort, lean on your husband for support, and most importantly look up to the Lord for guidance. He is there and will give you the peace you are seeking. Then find ways to keep busy, and if you already have children, give them all the kisses and hugs you can. After awhile, you'll be okay. And if you need a listening ear, you know where to find me. I find ice cream dates with girlfriends, even through Skype, provide great comfort and relief. I'm here with a pint of Haagen Dazs anytime you need me.

Dear Provo: A Thank You Note

Dear Provo,

On Wednesday morning we will lock our door, hand the keys to our landlord, buckle ourselves into our U-Haul and leave your boundaries forever. I don't really have the time to write this post as there is still much to be done before that morning, but after nearly 7 years of ups, downs, and everything in between, I feel some "thank yous" are in order.

Thank you for the education I received here at one of the nation's top universities. I worked extremely hard to earn a bachelor's degree from Brigham Young University, and I am grateful for the professors who motivated, inspired, and encouraged me to work for something I will treasure forever. No matter what life throws at me, no matter what job I may have or lose, no on can take that degree away from me.

Thank you for the gift of my best friend, Laura. A bond like ours will last forever, and I will cherish the memories we have of our time spent here together.

Thank you for introducing me to my sweetheart. Your town full of affordable restaurants and lovely parks provided a great atmosphere for me to get to the know the man I would one day call my husband.

Thank you for providing me with my first salary-based, post-graduate job. I learned many valuable skills from it, but mostly learned I had something to contribute to the professional world, and was seen as an asset to a successful company.

Thank you for the miracle of my first child. Thank you for the fantastic hospital that saved my baby's and my life with only precious minutes to spare. Perhaps there are other hospitals and doctors who could have acted that quickly and effectively elsewhere, but I will be forever indebted to the people who took great care to ensure my son made it safely to our family.

Thank you for providing my with fantastic friends. I've made some friendships here that will continue with me no matter where we live. I'm grateful I was able to be in an area where so many people were in the same season of life as me. I don't think that will be the case anywhere else, and it was perfect for this stage of life.

We are truly thrilled to be moving on to Kentucky. It's everything we were hoping and praying for. I'm so excited for this new adventure for our family, but please know there is a part of me that owes you gratitude for the many joyful, life-changing events that happened in your city. Farewell, and may I never have to live here again.

Best Regards,

Katie Hoyos

Robin Good and His Not so Merry Men: A Review

I was offered to participate in a review of the latest Veggie Tales film, "Robin Hood and His Not so Merry Men." We were lucky enough to have a copy sent to us so Ryan and I could watch it together. The goal of the film is to help children understand and handle hurt. Besides the intermission of "Silly Songs with Larry" (more to follow on that in itself), there are two stories portrayed in the film. One is about Jr, the little asparagus kid, who goes through a long, awful day thinking everyone forgot his birthday. The second features Larry the Cucumber as Robin the Good, who along with his Merry Men try to fund-raise money from the rich to give food to the poor. Both scenarios are designed to help young children understand that not everything will always go their way, but with the help of a loving God they can feel happy and peaceful. I'm kind of a thorough reviewer, so I'm going to break down my thoughts into three sections. 1. Jr.'s very bad day. 2. Silly Songs with Larry, "Bubble Rap."  3. The story of Robin Good.

1. Jr's Very Bad Day
In this story, Jr. wakes up thinking it's March 1st, his birthday. However, it's a leap year so the day is actually February 29th. He goes through the entire day with none of the typical birthday celebrations he was expecting. No breakfast in bed, no presents or party. The story ends with Jr.'s mother explaining to him that his birthday is not until tomorrow, and how everything will be ok because God loves him even when he's hurting.

My only criticism is it has an instant happy ending. I think it's a valuable lesson to teach children that there are some things in life that we can't fix. There are hurts too big for us to handle on our own. Family members die, children get diagnosed with serious illness, pet dogs get hit or put to sleep. These are real struggles and hurtful events in children's lives, and they're not solved as easily as realizing your birthday is in fact, tomorrow. I wish the creators had chosen a more serious subject, because when those sad and hurtful events occur the only place to find real solace and help is from God. Yes, He is there on bad days like Jr.'s, but He's also there when nothing else can make you feel better. A bad day is a bad day. If you want to teach your children about bad days, read them "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day." But if you're looking for a tool to help your child understand why Grandpa passed away, or how to cope with a sibling being diagnosed with Leukemia, I don't think this dvd's going to cut it.

2. Silly Songs with Larry "Bubble Rap"
I usually love Silly Songs with Larry. The songs are cute, simple, and sweet for little children to sing and dance to. This one wasn't. I don't think it's cute for little kids to want to emulate medallion-wearing rap stars and dance around to pop music that isn't appropriate for their age, even if the subject matter is. Maybe they put an intern in charge of this Silly Song, because it wasn't anything like the sweet ones they usually produce. I understand the play on words with "bubble wrap" and "bubble rap," but come on. What's cute about watching your little 4-year-old rapping gangsta-style because Larry the Cucumber does it? I would like a better role model for my little boy than a sideways hat and gold chains. Let him be a kid while he's still a kid. Usually, Veggies Tales is really good about that, but they dropped the ball this time for sure. Ok, enough of that soap box.

3. The Story of Robin Good
As stated earlier, the premise is about Robin losing all his friends, the Merry Men, because they want to steal from the rich instead of fund raise to help the poor. It's a parody on the classic tale of Robin Hood. I do appreciate the concept that Larry did what was right even though it cost him his friends. That is an excellent lesson for children. Sometimes doing the right thing means you do it by yourself, and that can really hurt. I remember what that felt like growing up, and it's hard. When Larry feels completely alone and sad he talks to an elderly lady who explains with God we don't ever have to feel alone. He can take away the hurt, and will always be our friend. That's a great message, and one I'm happy to teach my son. Later Larry's friends realize he was right, and they repent and apologize.

Overall, the movie was sweet. It's important to help children understand not everything is always going to go their way. I just assumed when the movie said it was a "lesson on handling hurt" I thought it would be more about real struggles and intense challenges in life, not just having a bad day or losing a few friends. Not that those things don't cause real sadness for children, but there are larger things in life. I think the earlier you teach children about serious struggles and trials, the more prepared they will be for those types of events in their own lives. Real challenges aren't something to shy away from . They are things that truly teach us to look to our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ for love and support. They are the only source through which true comfort and peace can be found.

So in conclusion, it's a cute a movie with some good points. However, I'd completely skip over Larry's Silly Song this time. What a disappointment. And after it's over, sit down with your child and have a chat about where the best comfort in our lives comes from, our Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ.

3 Cheers for Craft Month!

I have a love/hate relationship with March. On the one hand, it's National Craft Month, and I always stretch myself to create something new. This year I've invented a new hairstyle, made my own plarn and crocheted a bag out of it, and converted an old dress into a skirt. On the other hand, it's March Madness, so I kind of lose my husband for four weeks unless I find ways to slip basketball terms into daily conversation. "Honey, I'm feeling upset. Like, Missouri vs. Norfolk St. upset." "Would you mind doing a slam dunk in my book by taking out the trash?" "Wow, Duke really stinks today. Kind of like your son's diaper. Would you change it?" I think if I didn't have Craft Month to distract me it would be a lot worse, but I have to say each year we learn to compromise a little better. I watch a couple more games and he watches a couple fewer. Not to mention he's learned to "ooh" and "ahh" over each of my new crafts, which I so appreciate.

Here's your turn to "ohh" and "ahh" over my awesome crafts. And even cooler, I'm going to share with you how to do each of them. Now there's a real slam dunk to cheer about!

Hairstyle: The Basket-weave Bun

Step 1. Put hair into a ponytail. You can put the ponytail as high or as low as you wish, depending on where you want the bun on your head to be. I've tried low and mid-high. Both work just fine.

Step 2. Do a five-strand braid. I learned how to do it with this video. It only took me a couple tries til I had it down, and surprisingly it's easier for me to do if I'm NOT looking in the mirror. Just a tip.

Step 3. Fold hair into a bun shape, leaving a small lip over the top to hide the elastic from the original ponytail.     

Step 4. Secure with bobby pins, and add flowers/accessories as desired. Voila!










Crocheting with Plarn (plastic-yarn)

Step 1. Make plarn. You need a lot more grocery bags than you think. I separated my bags by color and brand so I could keep a somewhat uniform look with the plarn. Here's the link I used to learn how to make my own. It's pretty easy. And don't get upset if the strands break when you loop them together. Just tie up the broken strands and move on. This stuff doesn't need to be perfect to still work and look awesome.

Step 2. There are lots of free patterns online for making plarn bags, but I really wanted to make my own. I wanted it to feel 100% made by me, yarn included. So if you feel comfortable enough in your crocheting skills  to freestyle, go for it. It's really rewarding. If you want to stick to a pattern, here's a site that has all their patterns for free.

Step 3. Revel in your awesomeness that you just made a great beach/pool tote out of recycled bags. And not only did you make the bag, but the yarn, too! It's a totally different experience to feel like you started from scratch. A bit like making your own cake without using a mix, especially if you came up with the pattern yourself!



Dress Convert to Skirt
Step 1: Take an old dress that you're either bored with, or in my case your chest area doesn't fit back into post-baby, such as this.

Yes, this is me nearly 4 years ago. I was so tiny and never fully appreciated it. Alas...

Step 2: Cut off bust of dress with sewing scissors. If you're lucky, the dress you chose has an empire waist, which means the hem is practically done already.

Step 3. Hem the top of the "skirt" and add elastic if necessary, or fold down and sew leftover fabric to the empire hem.

Step 4. Add adorable belt and top of choice, and you have a darling skirt for Spring!
















So despite the Madness, or just being plain mad when your only time together is spent watching a team you've neither heard nor care about, get over it by starting up a new project, while every so often looking at the screen and saying, "Get the rebound!!!" Works for me, anyway.

Last-Minute Valentine's Day Gift: Solved

So it's February 13th, you don't have a gift for your sweetheart, and you don't have any cash to get them one anyway. No problem. For my solution you only need a cheap deck of cards (I got one for $.50 at the dollar store), and a sharpie. And don't worry, I already made this gift for Brenton for Christmas, so I'm not giving away anything should he read this post before tomorrow.

If your husband is like mine, he likes to take you out on a date every week. It's important for him to ask you, make a plan, and treat you well. But with his very busy schedule, it's hard for him to come up with original ideas all the time, especially ones that may need to be at home because you can't find a babysitter.

If you're like me, you love spending time on a date with your spouse each week, and you appreciate how much he wants to be the one to plan it and ask you. But sometimes there are really fun date ideas you want to try, but if you told him what they were it would spoil the surprise. Ok, maybe you're not as melodramatic and difficult as I am, but the surprise factor is super important to me.

THE SOLUTION: 52 DATE IDEAS, ONE FOR EVERY WEEK OF THE YEAR!

You can do this may different ways, but here's how I made mine. There are 52 cards in a deck, 52 weeks in the year. It works perfectly. I wanted to have a bit of variety, so I broke mine down this way:

Black suits (spades and clubs)= dates that are 100% free
Red suits (hearts and diamonds)= dates that cost at least some money (anywhere from $-$$)
Face cards= group dates (but still keeping the black suits 100% free group dates)

Now you can make your deck all pretty with scrapbook paper etc. if you want to, but let's face it, your hubby will most likely not care about the aesthetics. I simply wrote each idea on the card with a sharpie so he could read it. And as an added plus, that means you're still giving him a functional deck of cards. Maybe you could make one of your free date nights a card game night! Win-win!!

Don't think too hard. Write down some of the date ideas you've always wanted to do, and then write down some ones you know he'd appreciate, too. After all, your marriage is a team effort, and it's ok to do some super romantic dates as well as some super fun masculine ones, too. You're a partnership, so compromise.

I'm not going to give away all my awesome ideas in this post, but if you're struggling to come up with some here's a few to get you started.

- Card game night (you've already got one deck!)
- Make Italian food and watch "The Italian Job"
- Make a picnic and go to the park (this is great if you can't find a sitter for the kiddos). If the weather's bad, set it up inside.
- Invite some friends over for a game night. Have everyone bring their favorite board game.
- Make gourmet nachos and watch "Nacho Libre." (your husband will thank you)
- Poetry Night: share your favorite poems with your spouse. Choose one sonnet, limerick, love poem, rhyming poem, and sad poem. Then write one together, maybe even while watching "Dead Poets Society."
- Have dinner with some friends. Each couple is in charge of one course.
- Set up the camera and do a couples cooking show. Once you're finished cooking, watch your video while eating the yummy food.
- Make a photo booth by pinning a sheet on the wall. Set your camera on a timer and take some silly pictures. Print off the ones you like and slip them into your spouse's lunch, back pack, shoes, etc. throughout the week to remember how much you love each other.
- Go for a walk and reminisce about all the things you're grateful for in your relationship this past year. Maybe walk by an ice cream parlor on your way home and get ice cream cones. (another one that's great if you can't find a sitter and you can still push your kids in a stoller).
- Each of you pick out your favorite chocolate dessert and enjoy it while watching "Chocolat."
- Go through your music together and make a playlist for the car that has songs you both like listening to, so you never have to argue in the car over what to play on a long drive.

Ok, there's a dozen to get you started. Remember, don't think too hard. It doesn't have to be something spectacular to be fun, and it doesn't have to be important to anyone else but the two of you. And then you'll know that your husband has lots of ideas for fun dates, but you can still be surprised each week with the one he chooses.

You're welcome.

Happy Valentines Day!

Through a Glass, Darkly

This past week has been one of tremendous emotional growth for me. In my church congregation, the women are assigned to look after each other and make sure needs are met. One of the women I was assigned to look after had been struggling with depression. Last Friday, I received a call informing me she had committed suicide. I was shocked. After it sunk in a little more, I was plagued with feelings of immense guilt. "Why didn't I try harder? What more could I have done to help? Why didn't I call and check on her that day? If I had been a better friend, would this still have happened?"

I knew the only way I would feel better and receive comfort was by turning to the Lord for answers. Since my teenage years I have always remembered a saying that goes, "we speak to the Lord through prayer. The Lord speaks to us through scripture." So I knelt and prayed for comfort and understanding of her choice, then turned to the scriptures for answers. At first, the Lord comforted me by letting me know that her choices were her own. I did not need to feel responsible. I received this answer from the Book of Mormon in Helaman 14: 30 which reads, "For behold, ye are free; ye are permitted to act for yourselves; for behold, God hath given unto you a knowledge and he hath made you free." This was the answer I needed immediately, and it gave me great comfort, wiping away my guilt.

As the next few days went by and funeral plans were made, I struggled with many other emotions. I saw how devastated her family was and how alone her husband looked. It made me angry that she chose to leave so many people that loved her. Then I felt angry at myself for being angry at her when I didn't know her personal situation or pain. More than anything else I simply felt overwhelming sadness. In fact, I still do. When someone chooses to take her own life there are so many unanswered questions. What was going through her mind? How accountable is she for that choice? What consequences will this bring her in the eternities?

As I struggled with these feelings and questions I again turned to the Lord for guidance. I prayed for understanding, then turned to my scriptures. I was drawn to 1 Corinthians 13: 12 which reads, "For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: Now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known." As I read I felt the comfort and peace of my Heavenly Father. I knew He loved her, she is His daughter and He knows everything that was going through her mind before she made her choice. She is in His hands and He sees everything with perfect clarity. By trusting in the Lord, I can see part of His plan, but it is through a dark glass. When all is said and done I will see everything with a perfect clarity the way He sees it. Until then, I cling to my faith, and that is enough.

My friend's funeral was yesterday. I played piano for the service. It was immensely difficult. I have performed and participated in funerals before, but none felt as personal as this did for me. As I played the final postlude I finally broke down so that I couldn't read the notes on the page for all the tears. However, since hearing the news last Friday, the stress of all the planning and shock had been so great I hadn't permitted myself to fully let go and have a good cry. It was remarkably cathartic, and gave me a sense of release I had been needing.

I don't know all the answers. I don't know her thoughts, her mental state, her chemical/hormonal balance, or her physical pain. But I do know that Jesus Christ does, and it is ultimately His sacrifice and Atonement that heals all wounds. I know that if I continue to put my trust and faith in Him, one day I will not see this life through a darkened glass, but face to face, with perfect clarity. And for now, that is good enough.