Ryan was sick for a few days, I messed up a crochet project and had to start over, my quest for Brenton's birthday presents didn't pan out, you get the picture. I was hanging in there and soldiering through when I realized I would have been 20 weeks along and found out the gender of our baby this week. That was my breaking point, and I burst into a full meltdown this morning.
To quote Charlie Brown, lately it feels like "everything I touch gets ruined." My starter plants in the front yard were eaten by birds, my hanging basket of fuchsias died, our cucumbers are bitter, the peppers rot before they're ripe, and a bunny keeps eating our low hanging tomatoes and zucchini. It feels as though everything I try to nurture and raise either dies or falls apart. I would have been halfway along in my pregnancy yet here I sit, barren and empty as another month goes by without a positive test. It's becoming a disheartening trial for me.
About the only thing that has been growing really well is our cherry tomatoes. I pick about 3 dozen or so everyday. Today, those little, bright red tomatoes taught me a comforting lesson. All by itself, a cherry tomato isn't much. Just a little, juicy morsel that brightens your day for moment. But put all of them together, and you have a whole basket full of juicy, delicious fruit. You sit on the front porch and pop several in your mouth at once, wondering how something so small could taste so delicious and make you so happy.
Here's my lesson. "By small and simple things are great things brought to pass" (Alma 37:6). Instead of letting the negative things bring me down, I can focus on the little cherry tomatoes of life that bring me joy. A long hug from my son, a kiss from my husband, a call from a friend, an uplifting song on the radio, a particular verse of scripture. All by itself, a little moment isn't much. But put all of them together and I have a whole basket full of happy, uplifting moments of joy.
I guess it's just the little things.
Oh Katie, I just love you so much. I'm sorry things have been so hard. Seriously, getting hit with all those trials at once! I'm impressed you can have such a good attitude. I'm glad you talk about these things so I can learn from your example. You're such an amazing person. And I think you're absolutely right. The best way to handle all those things you don't have is to be grateful for what you do have! Good luck with everything, I'm thinking of you. XOXO
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful post! I love it! I'm so sorry things are so trying right now...I wish I had more comforting words. I hope you keep finding even momentary peace through scriptures and prayer. You're great Katie!
ReplyDeleteI'm proud of you for finding the silver lining. By the way, bunnies and birds eating your garden doesn't make it your fault. That's just part of living in a state fertile enough for wildlife. You can google for various problem solving techniques with that, I'm sure you're not the only one dealing with critters eating your crops. Rubber snakes perhaps? And I'm pretty sure I've read things about bunnies before. I've never had a hanging basket of flowers live for me, I don't know what mom's secret is. Are you a list person? I'm a list person. How about a list of things you can enjoy while not being pregnant. Like caffeine sodas, jeans with a fly, ibuprofen, sleeping on your stomach, a full night's sleep, underwire bras . . . oh and lets not forget that "no" list- no regular doctor's appointments, blood tests, vomiting, stretch-marks, achy limbs, raging hormones, exhaustion, baggy clothes, swollen feet and cankles. Both lists go on! I know you really want another baby, but don't forget, pregnancy sucks! While you're waiting, you can at least enjoy the non-sucky parts of life you have right now. :o) Love you.
ReplyDeleteOh, and btw, I would really like to eat those cherry tomatoes. If our technology was cool enough that you could take things out of pictures, you'd have a nice picture of a white bowl there.
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