Reconnecting by Disconnecting

I haven’t written in awhile, and there’s a lot to catch up on. We've been out of our home for three months, and have lived in three places. It’s definitely been an adventure full of ups, downs, and every emotion in between. I’m exhausted most days, and all of us are certainly tired of living in one room, in each other’s space at all times. However, the end is in sight, and Brenton should have his first assignment within a week or so. We are very excited for his training to come to a close at the end of the month. He has worked hard, and feels confident this temporary sacrifice will bring the blessings we’re praying for as a family. I’ll try to post photos and stories about this dreadfully cold, long winter we've experienced as the next few weeks progress, but today I’m focusing on something else.

One month from yesterday will be a special day for Brenton and me.  We will be celebrating our fifth wedding anniversary.  I know that’s pretty small as far as anniversary milestones go, but it’s our first big one since the actual wedding day itself.  In those five years we've lived in six states, and seven homes. We've had two children, two cars, and collectively held five jobs and 16 church callings. We've watched our bank account rise and fall, our waistlines expand and shrink, and our children thrive and struggle. Five years seems like a day and an eternity all at once. We've done so much in such a short span of time.

In some ways we’re much closer. I absolutely love Brenton far more today than I did five years ago. In other ways we’re disconnected. When we were dating there was plenty of time to sit and talk to each other. We went on dates and never ran out of things to say. That’s not really the case now. At best we have a few hours together in the evenings if we’re lucky, and that time isn't really spent with Brenton so much as next to him.

With his job in Kentucky, Brenton was often gone in the evenings, so I would put the boys down to bed, settle down in front of Netflix, and spend time with what has now become my other half: my phone. It just became a habit. I’d scroll through Pinterest and Facebook, using the time to unwind from the long day. Now that Brenton’s schedule is more concrete, he is home most evenings. We put the boys down together, which I’m grateful for. But then when they’re asleep, I find both of us sitting together with our phones. We might engage in a brief conversation of, “did you see this photo?” or “watch this funny video, hunny!” for a minute or two, but then it’s back to glossy eyed, thumb scrolling. I used to miss him so much during the evenings he’d work late, and now that he’s home I’m doing the same thing I did when he wasn't. It needs to stop.

So, for the month of April, I’m giving Brenton 30 days of phone-free time. Last night was Day 1, and once the boys were down I plugged in my phone, put it away, and just sat and talked with him. We told jokes, and actually communicated about our day. It felt like a mini date night right there in our tiny, one-room hotel suite we’re stuck in for the next month. It wasn't instantly magical, and I almost grabbed my phone a few times when I wondered about the weather, or what actor was in that movie, or where so-and-so is living these days. But overall the change has been a positive one, even after one day.

I’m not saying I won’t ever pick up my phone for things in the evenings, but I am taking the time to say to my husband, “you are more important to me than a 4-inch screen. Our marriage means more to me than Sally’s latest post of what she ate for dinner. I don’t need to see how many people liked my photo, or who left a comment on the article I shared. I need you to know I care about you, just you, and that you are the only person I need to “like” me. I may be able to access the world through a device that fits in my hand, but you were my world and held that hand long before it was holding a smart phone, so I am reconnecting with you by disconnecting from it.”

I mean, after all, the best way to celebrate five years of time together is by spending more time together, right?