I have noticed for years that the generation I have grown up with has some serious flaws in its perception of standards versus exceptions. It's taken me awhile to finally pinpoint what the real issue is, and this is the conclusion I have come to: the exceptions are being taught to take precedence over the standards. Due to previous problems with racial and cultural stereotyping, when it came time for my generation to start school the lesson material all focused heavily on equality, fairness, and understanding of everyone's backgrounds. We were all taught how horrible it is to judge others, and how we need to be completely understanding of everyone's decisions.
There is nothing wrong in teaching the principle of not judging others and to look for the good in everyone. However, I feel the scale was tipped too far in that direction, teaching that we should be all-accepting of everything. It has made those who may be quite evil appear good, and those who stand up for what's right appear evil.
There are countless examples of this that I have encountered almost daily upon interacting with my generation. I will give only a few. First is the idea that it is better to preach the exception rather than the rule in order to avoid offending someone. Second is the idea that it is wrong to have opinions, because it might upset someone. And third, because we don't know everyone's situation, we need to accept everything they do, or we are the "bad person."
First. I recently sat in a Sunday school lesson taught by a couple who are around my age. The lesson was on the role of mothers in the family. There are very clear guidelines set by the church as to how the Lord feels on this particular issue. "Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children" (The Family: A Proclamation to the World). This role is the standard. Mothers should be in the home raising their children. However, instead of the lesson being focused on this principle, the entire instruction was about exceptions to this rule. "Some mothers have to work full time." "There is no difference between a righteous mother who works and one who stays home and raises her family." "Since the Lord loves them, He will bless them anyway." Really? Where in the scriptures does it say that? What chapter in the scriptures is all about how it's ok to make exceptions to the commandments? There are plenty of examples about how we're
not blessed when we don't keep the commandments, not the other way around. The class was all in my age group, and shared several examples about how they knew someone or they themselves went against this council of the prophets and that it was ok. I was
so disappointed that what could have been a great lesson focusing on the commandments was completely reversed to strengthen the "exception to the rule" so as not to offend anyone.
Second. I have noticed often that my generation has struggled with the ability to write a decent paper. Sentence structure, grammar, and punctuation aside, the biggest problem is their inability to stick to an opinion and defend it. Most papers are littered with phrases such as, "it is believed," or, "many think that," or, "it may be supposed that." Even argumentative essays are full of this type of language. As I teach students to outline their ideas, I spend much of my time trying to nail them to a point. My guidance is always followed by nervous looks and questions like, "but what if the person grading my essay feels differently? What if they don't agree? Isn't that wrong?" No! The entire essay is about defending with good logic your own opinion. However, my generation was taught not to have opinions because they're wrong, offensive, and hurtful to others.
Third. Many individuals from my generation are so "accepting" of people that they accept the actions as being good because, after all, it is "their choice." This, I believe, is the most dangerous result of the education we were given in school. The worth of every individual is infinite. That is true. However, that does not excuse their actions, nor the consequences that follow. If a person chooses to do something like drink alcohol and get behind the wheel of a car, that action is wrong. Most people agree with that. But what about a woman who chooses to have intimate relations, becomes pregnant, and aborts the unborn child? Suddenly, everyone squirms and says, "Well, we don't know her situation, so we can't judge what she chooses to do." Do you see how the exception has become the standard? The standard is that abortion is wrong. It is taking away another's life. Are there exceptions? Yes, and VERY few. However, these exceptions have become what everyone focuses on when in reality, she already made her choice: to sleep with a guy. Choice made. Consequence followed. What happens to the person who stood up and said, "Abortion is wrong?" He/she becomes the evil, unsympathetic person who has no right to judge. But it's not the individual that's being judged, it's the action. Where was
that critical lesson in my generation's education? I learned it from my parents, just as my son will learn it from me.
Now there are many people who follow after this belief that the exception is more important than the standard, but none more so than those of the generation I was raised in. It's tragic, really. We've become so accepting that our entire perception is warped. What we need is a good slap in the face, and someone to say, "You're not going to please everyone. You will offend people, and that's ok. There is a standard that needs to be followed, and without it, you have no structure. So 'do what is right, let the consequence follow'." For those lucky few of us who got that education, it's about time we stood up for the standard, and not the exception.
