Being Belle

As most of you know, I have been obsessed with Beauty and the Beast since my 5th birthday when my mom took me out on a special date, just me and her, to see the beloved Disney classic. I can still remember how awed I was when all the candles lit up in a giant chorus line during "Be Our Guest," and how exciting it was to watch it with my mother. It was so magical, and from that day on I knew who I wanted to be.

As the years went by I began collecting just about everything I could possibly get my hands on that had anything to do with Beauty and the Beast. The Christmas I turned six my mom sewed me my very own Belle dress, and I wore it every single day when I came home from school. I remember one time I was eating chocolate pudding in it, and spilled some on the left sleeve, leaving a permanent brown stain on the golden polyester. I treasured that dress because in my mind it truly defined who I was: a beautiful princess with long brown hair, and chocolaty brown eyes. I was Princess Katiebelle. Rider of imaginary horses named Philippe, and reader of books. I could conquer anything, and no beastly man was going to tell me what to do! I used to tell my parents, "When I grow up and go to dances I'm going to tell the boys, 'If you want to dance with a pretty girl, no beggars!'" Princesses never hang down their heads, and neither would I!

When it was time for my first high school prom there was no question in my mind of what my dress was going to look like. I had been devastated the year I turned 11 and could no longer wear my beautiful gold dress. So in the early spring of my junior year Mom took me out on a special date, just me and her, to buy fabric to make a new Belle dress. We scoured the rows and rows of fabric until we found the perfect combination, and then brought it to a seamstress to make my caparison dreams come true.

And then before I knew it I was in college, and looking for a way to make some extra cash without having to spend too much time doing it. I sat brainstorming, and then of course, there was the answer right in front of me. I would get paid to be myself. So I started entertaining little girls' birthday parties as Princess Belle. I can't tell you how amazing it is to walk into a room full of little girls and see their faces light up in delight because you are there. It still makes me tear up a little to think of their sweet hands reaching up to touch my face and to hear them exclaim, "I can't believe it's really you!" It often surprised me when at the end of the party the parents would hand me a check. I'd think, "Oh yeah! This is my job!"

I sit here reminiscing about all of this because today we had a big costume party at my work. Students and parents brought in their children to go trick-or-treating around the building. I wore my beautiful, sparkling Belle dress and greeted little princesses all over again. It was such a joy. As I watched them skipping up and down the halls in their shiny dresses, I could almost see a spunky, 5-year-old girl with two long brown, braided pig-tails, and chocolaty brown eyes. I imagined her rushing straight up at me with a look that said, "I'm Princess Katiebelle. Kindergartner. Rider of imaginary horses and reader of books!"

Angels Round About You

It's been about a week and a half since I came down with the dreaded swine flu, and it was no picnic. I'm back at work and feeling much better, but I still get tired very easily. These past few days at work I've had to hit the ground running to make up for the days I missed, and it's been a struggle, but I've also noticed some wonderful blessings that have helped me get through the particularly rough patches. For me, it has been the fulfillment of the scripture in D&C 84:88 which reads, "And my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you to bear you up."

First, it's been a miracle that Brenton hasn't gotten sick. After a week's worth of being my helpful nurse, he hasn't had a fever or any symptoms of the highly contagious virus. He was so sweet and took care of meals, dishes, cleaning the apartment, and even took me to the movies last Friday to celebrate when my fever finally broke, meaning I was no longer contagious. Saturday marked the one-year anniversary of the day we got engaged, and we celebrated with a bottle of sparkling cider and the last two "Hoyos Oreos" we'd frozen from our wedding reception.

Next, I have been so blessed by my family, friends, and good members of the ward. Last Thursday a sister from my Relief Society walked over a large package to my apartment so I didn't have to go and get it myself from the office. It may have seemed like a simple thing to her, but it meant so much to me to not have to go and get it when I felt so miserable. The package was from my sister, Liz, containing business clothes for me to wear to work. It was a thoughtful gesture that came just when I needed it. Then on Monday, my first day back from being sick, I had a particularly hard day. I came home during my lunch break to eat a quick sandwich and saw a card from my mother informing me that she was sending me two magazine subscriptions. I felt tears spill over my cheeks just seeing my angel mother's handwriting that I love so much. I'm always amazed at how my family knows just when I need help, even when they're on the other side of the country.

Finally, I am so blessed to have a worthy husband who can give me priesthood blessings whenever I need them. After work on Monday I knew that the next few months at my job were going to be very stressful. I asked my husband for a blessing of comfort to know that I would make it through the difficult weeks ahead and feel confident in my abilities. That powerful blessing has made all the difference this week. The very next day I felt like my burdens were lighter. Truly, I felt that there was another person next to me helping me stay calm, focused, and confident. The only other time I've felt that way was on May 10th, 2005 when I was taking my AP Psychology exam. I didn't know why there were angels helping take that exam until afterwards, when I came home to find our house taped off and gutted out from a fire that morning. Both of these experiences though have taught me that angels really do watch over us. Often times I like to think that the ones helping me are my ancestors, who take a few minutes of their time to help their great, great, great, great granddaughter/niece. Either way, I know they are real, and it helps me feel connected to them when I do temple work.

The Lord does love us, and most of the time the way He sends help to us is through His servants. I'm grateful for the angels in my life, whether on this side of the veil or the other, they are a continuous strength to me.

Even Hidden Treasures

I've told myself that I don't want another month to go by without putting down a new blog post. So while my husband is at Priesthood session I thought I'd take some time to tell you about the latest things I've learned in my exciting life.

For one thing, I am so grateful to have a job. The nation's current events have made this task somewhat of a challenge for anyone in the unemployed market. When my husband and I sat down and recognized the very real necessity that I find employment, I felt for perhaps the first time in my life the stress and anxiety of being poor. If my family was poor growing up, I never knew about it, because my parents were so wonderful at budgeting and keeping us happy. Now as newlyweds, Brenton and I are on our own in that department, and like so many newlyweds before us, are realizing how very expensive it is to live. We knew the day would come when we would discover that, but as I've said before, there is no substitute for experience.

With that being said, I knew that the Lord would bless us because we were paying our tithing and fast offerings, and doing everything we could to remain worthy of His help. Each week while we went to the temple, I would leave that sacred building knowing that all would be well. Then while Brenton was in class, I would research jobs, send in applications, and practice interview questions in the mirror.

At last the return phone call arrived for me to be interviewed by a potential employer. Although it went well, once I had left the building all the fears and anxieties returned for the next week as I waited to hear back and still continued to search for other jobs. While I felt comfort from the Holy Ghost, I was still nervous and apprehensive. But the Lord did hear my prayers, and I was offered the position. Not only that but it's a position that addresses all the needs Brenton and I were praying so earnestly for. It is also a job that I can truly take pride in. I believe in what I'm doing there, and what the company stands for.

I was expecting this great answer to my prayers to fill the needs that I hoped it would. However, I have been continually surprised at how it is answering my other prayers, too. It often makes me think of the scripture in D&C 89:19 "And [he] shall find wisdom and great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures." Upon arriving back in Utah I felt out of place, almost like I had taken a step backwards for getting a degree, because my whole world was still back at school. This new job has given me a place where I feel comfortable, and proud of my accomplishments. I'm learning a great deal about self reliance, and several tasks in my training are helping me to solve other problems in my life outside the job. I have a reason to get up each morning, eat a decent breakfast, and I have somewhere to be each day. It has given me confidence because I feel needed. My husband is grateful for the efforts I'm making for our family, and we are more affectionate and kind to each other at home. I am discovering that my efforts in school and the dozens of humanities classes I took are a real asset to my job, and I'm grateful I chose that major. I am eating better, sleeping better, and finding great self-fulfillment, putting the stress off my husband to try and fill that need. All of these things are blessings that I was not expecting to receive from work. They are the fulfillment of that scripture for my life. They are my hidden treasures.

Most often, the greatest blessings in life require us to take a step in the dark before the Lord turns on the light. That is what faith is. It is obedience and work combined with a trust that the Lord's plan is far better than our own. It does require "all that we can do," in my case researching jobs, applying, practicing, etc. but then the final step is one of faith and trust. And when the Lord turns on the light revealing the next step in the path it is one of glorious surprise: our hidden treasures! He has so much more in store for us than we could ever have produced on our own, and I try to remember that when things still get stressful in my life; particularly at work when I'm trying my hardest to grasp every new concept in training.

I know that my Heavenly Father listens to my prayers. I know that He answers every single one in a time frame that works with His will, and not mine. I know that His will is infinitely better for me and for my family. I know He hears and loves me, and I know that there is no other way to find greater happiness than by following His path, for that is when the hidden treasures are found.