God Moves in a Mysterious Way

These past two weeks have been a bit of a whirlwind of trials and blessings. I've further realized, as I've always known, keeping the Lord's commandments is the safest road. I have seen time and time again that if we are doing what the Lord asks of us, we will be fine. If we are not, we won't be ready when life's storms fall upon us, as they can and always do.

It all began on Monday, June 7th. I had a final dentist appointment in a series of long, painful appointments to fix several cavities since becoming pregnant. One of the teeth had been given a root canal weeks prior, which sucked up my entire dental coverage for the year. I still had seven fillings needed, all to be paid out of pocket. Brenton and I had been keeping our emergency savings in tact, a lesson learned from our parents and latter-day prophets, so we were covered. "If ye are prepared, ye shall not fear" (D&C 30:38) we thought, and so I went in for the appointment. After a few hours of intense pain and tears, the fillings were done, and the month-long ordeal finally over. Puffy and swollen I went to pay the bill. In an act of mercy we found that it would only cost 15% of what we had originally planned. I was overwhelmed by the Lord's love for us, and grateful that we did not have to dip into our savings at all.

We contemplated that night over Family Home Evening why the Lord let us keep that money. We saw it as a tender mercy and expressed sincere gratitude to Him. We did not know at the time how much we would need that funding later.

Friday of that week, June 11th, I was in my very first car accident. I miscalculated for one second, another driver did not watch the road, and 10 seconds later I was hit on both sides, pulled over on the road in complete shock. It was absolutely terrifying, and I remember the instant feeling of monumental regret and shame. Miraculously, no one was hurt, or issued a citation. Brenton raced over from work as I dealt with the damage, questions by police authority, and panic because I couldn't feel my baby kicking. Looking back now, I see how the Lord completely numbed my emotions allowing me to answer and deal with the situation until Brenton could be there. Then he dealt with calling our insurance, getting the car towed, and getting a rental car. Husbands are amazing for those kinds of things.

I've never been so grateful for auto insurance. They were wonderful every step of the process. I was still a nervous wreck after leaving the accident, and couldn't close my eyes without reliving what happened. It was pouring rain at the time and I hadn't eaten in several hours. We received help everywhere we needed it, and I was able to get food, then get to the doctor's office to check on our baby. It wasn't until the nurse placed the doppler on my belly and told me Ryan's heartbeat was just fine that I finally broke down into body shaking sobs. Anything else I could handle, now that I knew he was just fine.

As the next few days passed I mostly struggled with an overwhelming shroud of guilt and regret. "If I'd only done this," or "why couldn't I have just done that." I was so grateful that Brenton forgave me instantly and the only person left for forgive was myself. I poured my heart out in prayer begging for the ability to emotionally move on and get past it. As I prayed I was lead to the words of the hymn, "God Moves in a Mysterious Way." The verse that meant the most to me was this. "Ye fearful Saints, fresh courage take; the clouds ye so much dread, are big with mercy and shall break, in blessings on your head." My mind was opened to see where the Lord had blessed us every step of the way, and I was able to let go of the guilt in myself. It was a powerful step in moving on.

Earlier this week we learned that our car was assessed as a total loss, even though it was still drivable. While that brought on a whole new wave of guilt for me, we took it for what it was and began to look for a new car. In yet another blessing, we were given far more from the insurance than we were expecting, allowing us to place a significant down payment. Wednesday, June 16th, we were driving home in a new car within our financial means. It's a wonderful car, and we are very pleased with it.

And so I sit here, a full week later from the accident, reflecting on how smooth the week has gone. I've once again learned that we were blessed because we were doing the right things beforehand. The Lord knows us, is aware of our circumstances, and loves us dearly. He will protect and take care of us. He knows we're not perfect. I had no idea we would need that money from the dentist towards purchasing a new car, but the Lord did. Since we cannot predict our lives, we need to do everything we can to keep His Spirit and guiding influence with us. So that when the "mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall" (Helaman 5:12). For me, those storm clouds were ones filled with mercy, that did, indeed, break with blessings on my head.

Our Photo Expedition Week 1

Last week I received an e-mail from Kodak Gallery, and they mentioned a photo expedition sweepstakes they were promoting through Facebook. I clicked on the link and found that each week this summer, Kodak will pick five random objects for contestants to take pictures of and submit. Brenton and I figured we didn't stand a chance winning, but that it would be a fun thing for us to do to record the summer we had Ryan. So, we spent the day on Saturday taking pictures of the five things for last week. They were an umbrella, a cupcake, a sunset, a U.S. flag, and something with polka dots. Although it's not a requirement, we decided that both of us should be in each picture, something definitely doable when you have a tripod and a timer on the camera. It was a blast. Here are the pictures taken in color. To see the pictures in black and white, with the certain object highlighted, see my Facebook profile.

The first picture we took was the cupcake. We went to "The Sweet-Tooth Fairy's Bakery" in Provo, and picked out the prettiest cupcake we could find. A kind lady at the bakery took this picture for us. The cupcake was incredible. Very, very tasty.

Next, we took a picture of the umbrella. We came up with the idea because we recently bought a hose attachment for our garden called a "rain-maker." So we watered the garden with me under the umbrella. Also note, those are my new gardening/rain boots, and I LOVE them!.

After the garden, we took a picture of something with polka-dots. Really, it just ended up as an excuse to eat a root beer float. We filled up my big frosty mug, put in two straws, and oh yeah, I put a polka-dot ribbon in my hair from an Easter gift basket my mom gave me back in college. It actually ended up being my favorite photo of the whole set.

Our last two photos proved more difficult. We looked up online to see when the sun was setting, and thought we'd try and take the pictures down by Utah Lake. However, we went the wrong way and by the time we realized it, we would miss the sunset if we turned back. So we found a pretty field, set up the tripod, and took a quick picture.

Our last picture proved to be the hardest. We just couldn't seem to come up with a nice way to take a picture with an American flag. It has so much symbolism in it, and so we didn't want it to look cheesy or disrespectful. As we were driving back from the sunset field, we saw an elementary school with a flag. Brenton pulled up, and said, "This is the flag we're using. We'll make it work." With minutes of daylight left, we set up the tripod and just, stood there. It took a few tries to get one with the wind blowing, but it turned out ok.

It was a really fun day. We're excited to see what this week's five objects are, and create more memories for our first summer in Utah. On the off chance that we win, I'll be sure to let y'all know.

Fruit Tarts and Gardens

We had a wonderful three-day weekend. Of course, it never seems long enough, but ours was just the right balance of relaxation and projects we'd been putting off. We got a lot accomplished, and I'm starting the really see the benefits of getting up a bit earlier in order to enjoy more of your day.

One of the fun projects I was able to do over the weekend was to make Martha Stewart's fruit tarts from her May issue. I've been trying more and more of her recipes, and I never seem to get them just right. Last month I attempted to make her rhubarb cake, which turned into rhubarb cobbler. This month, I wanted to make one of her tarts because it looked so good in the picture, and I love tarts. I even had little ones served at my wedding reception. So I got all the ingredients, complete with two little tart dishes from Ikea, and began to follow the recipe. It's pretty time consuming, with a lot of hurry up and wait preparation. Much to my chagrin, even though I followed directions explicitly, the crust did not turn out like it was supposed to. But it tasted delicious so instead of popping them out of the little pans, I just kept them in there.

The final product actually turned out pretty fantastic. The filling was amazing, and I think they turned out very similar to the picture from the magazine. So I'm going to call this one a success, even though the crust didn't turn out perfectly. Either way it was fun to make. I've always felt that baking is more enjoyable than cooking. Brenton feels the opposite, so we make a great match in that respect. Here are some photos of the finished product, one with the article's picture of what it should look like. It's the top right one in the article.

Another one of our projects that we finally accomplished was the planting of our garden. I am so excited about it. From talking to friends in the area, tomatoes do very well in Utah soil, so we planted some of those, along with some herbs and zucchini. I love the summer, and I'm really thrilled to watch it all grow and eat the delicious vegetables over the next few months. I've always wanted to plant a garden, and our landlord already rototilled a piece of the yard for us. It'll be interesting to see if we'll have challenges with bunnies or gophers, because I'm not at home during the day to keep an eye on it. We also share the yard with our neighbors who have three children that seem to think everything we own is theirs too. So that will also be interesting. Those factors aside, we're really hoping this will be a fruitful venture for the summer.

Catch-up

I've let another month pass by and haven't updated anything on here. Life just... happens, and sometimes it's hard to stop long enough to write about it. I'm going to attempt a quick catch-up here for those who are wondering how everything's going currently.

First off, Ryan is doing great. He's perfectly healthy and right on schedule at 27 weeks today. Last Saturday, the 22nd, we went up to Salt Lake and had a 4D ultrasound of the little peanut. It was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. We got to see his sweet face, and even watch him smile a few times. At one point he opened his eyes, and the nurse managed to snag a picture of it! It was so awesome. He also turned and waved right at us, which melted our hearts right on the spot. I can't believe that technology has gone so far that we can see his facial features before he's even here. I watched him make expressions that I've seen Brenton make. It was simply amazing. Brenton took a picture of Ryan on his phone that we sent out to family right away. When my mom got the picture she told me, "I can't believe I'm looking at a picture of my unborn grandson, on my phone!" Technology is incredible. We truly live in a blessed world. Here's little Ry-guy's picture.

As another update, Brenton and I had our first wedding anniversary this month. We spent the weekend down in Prescott, AZ with Brenton's family. I got to meet both sets of his grandparents, as well as a few aunts, uncles, and cousins I hadn't met yet. After a lovely visit with them, Brenton took me to Las Vegas for a few days. I'd never seen the strip, so it was really cool. We stayed in the Excaliber, which looks like a giant castle, and saw their "Tournament of Kings" jousting dinner show. Later we looked at all the neat hotels and watched the fountains at the Bellagio several times. It was really fun. The next day we went to the aquarium at Mandalay Bay and then enjoyed lunch at Bobby Flay's restaurant, Mesa Grill. He's our favorite Iron Chef, and the food was amazing. We had such a lovely time. It was great to have a few days off of work to be together and celebrate our marriage. Brenton took care of all the planning himself, and I was surprised every step of the way. We had so much fun!

In other news, we re-did our family room downstairs. It was looking so cluttered, like a crammed student apartment. We hadn't really decided how we wanted to organize the place with all our stuff together. So, a year into our marriage, we decided it was time to spruce up the room and make it look more aesthetically pleasing. When we visited with Brenton's parents, they gave us four tables that dramatically upgraded our current furniture, and that's where we got the motivation to re-do the room. We pulled our ratty love seat away from the wall, and faced it towards the t.v. so we wouldn't have to watch sideways anymore. That divided the room in two, leaving the back half for our rocking recliner and a bookshelf. It's our mock library now. The other huge problem was the lack of coordinating upholstery and curtains. Everything looked mis-matched and messy. The last big issue was all the clutter in our entertainment center. It was packed with boardgames, electronics, books, wii games, etc. Not to mention all our Guitar Hero stuff for the Wii on the side of it. Brenton put shelves in our storage closet, stacked up all the boardgames and Guitar Hero stuff back there, and I boxed up the excess electronic equipment and Wii games into stylish boxes. Then we went shopping for linens. I made a slip cover for our love seat with a set of blue, king sheets, an idea I got from my sister Liz. Next, I took some large brown rick-rack and sewed a border on the slip cover. I put a brown scarf over the curtain rod, and then made curtains for the bottom shelves of the entertainment center with the leftover blue, sheet fabric. With the new tables and adjustments we made, the room has literally been transformed. We are so pleased with how much more organized it is. I don't have a before picture, but you can sort of see what the room used to look like from the Easter video I posted up a few months ago. Here's the finished product. It feels much more like a home now, and we're very happy with our crafty selves.

There's not much else to report. Ryan's room now has a dresser, changing table, and crib, and is quickly coming together for him. We're excited for the upcoming three-day weekend, because for the first time since I started my job, we actually get this Monday off together. We were thinking about traveling somewhere, but with the expenses of a nursery, have decided it would be more relaxing to stay here. Hopefully this won't be the last post I have up here until next month. We'll see!

It's a Boy!!

Yes, it's a beautiful, healthy baby boy! He's right on schedule at 21 weeks, and we're so thrilled to know that little Ryan Wayne is on his way. Just like a kid on Christmas Eve, I didn't sleep a wink the night before the ultrasound. I was too excited. Every hour seemed to drag on and on, as if the morning would never come. When it finally did, even breakfast took forever before we could finally get to our appointment at 9:30. Once we arrived at the doctor's, we had to wait almost a full hour before my name was called. We watched everyone in the crowded room get up before us for their appointments. Even people who came in after us. It was driving me crazy. I had to keep telling myself, "you've waited 20 weeks. What's a few more minutes?" And I had to remind myself to be grateful that we could even distinguish the sex at all. That's a pretty recent feature. I knew I had to count my blessings.

Finally our name was called, and I excitedly took Brenton's hand as we went into the office. Once in the chair I was surprisingly calm. All I wanted at that point was just to see my baby and know that he/she was ok. I can't express how amazing it was to see him. His perfect little spine, his arms, both tiny feet and hands, and all four chambers of his rapidly beating little heart. The same little heart I had listened to for the first time only a few months before. It was incredible. I was so afraid he'd be facing the wrong way or have his legs crossed. Not to worry with Ryan. He spread himself wide as if to announce quite proudly, "Check me out Mom and Dad! I'm a boy! It's me, Ryan!" I was amazed at how the second I knew who it was, I felt Ryan become a part of our family. Almost as if I knew all along that it was him, because he is exactly who Heavenly Father wants to come first in our family. I knew right then and there that this is the Lord's plan for Ryan, and for us.

That weekend to celebrate, Brenton took me to BYU's 3rd annual Traditions Ball. We've been to all three, and as long as we're in Provo, we plan on keeping the tradition. Luckily, I had a formal turquoise dress with an empire waist, so there was room for me and Ryan. I'm glad the ball was when it was though. I don't think that dress would have worked even a week later, because I'm getting so big so quickly these days! We had a wonderful time, as we always do. It's not very often I have a reason to dress up, curl my hair all nice and go out dancing. I remember when they had the first one in 2008, Brenton and I were dating at the time. On Easter Sunday he made me a card asking me to go to an enchanted ball with him. It still makes me smile knowing that even when we were just dating, Brenton has always viewed me as a princess.

This past week Spring finally came to Provo. I spent most of yesterday outside cleaning the car with Brenton, cleaning my bike, and weeding our flower bed. The flower bed hasn't been used in almost two years, so it was completely overgrown with grass, weeds, and a huge population of snails. Ick. However, it's still blooming with daffodils and tulip buds. I wanted to clear everything else out to give those pretty flowers some room to breathe. Even with all the work I did, I still only managed to get a little over half of it pulled. I like how my mother says that whenever she gardens she can't help but think of the creation and the Lord's plan, and how she's helping along with it. I love that, and I agree with her. It was hard work, and my back and legs are very sore today, but I feel this urge to help those flowers grow, and do everything I can to eradicate anything that would hurt them. I feel I'm giving them a new start, and there's something very godlike in helping His creations grow.

And now it's back to starting another week. I wish I had more than just one day a week that I could use for cleaning the house, yard, car, garden, and everything else I have to do. Alas, there never seems to be enough time for everything that needs to be done. But I'm doing the very best I can, and I'm happy because of it. The harder we work for the right things, the happier we are. One of the many eternal principles I've learned from watching my parents.

Easter and Emergency Root Canal

What a lovely Easter weekend. The weather was a bit cold, I'll admit, but Conference was wonderful. I loved getting to listen to general authorities from the church give excellent remarks on several gospel principles, particularly those on motherhood and the atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ. Before Conference I always write down a few questions that I want answered in my life. This time most of my questions focused on how I can be a good mother, without ever being one before. I was amazed at how many talks were focused on raising children in the gospel. Surprisingly, there were also a fair amount on motherhood specifically. I particularly enjoyed Elder Ballard's talk on the relationship between mothers and daughters. I have always known that my mother has been the greatest influence in my life, but it was reassuring to hear from an apostle that the best way to be a good mother is to emulate the wonderful qualities my own mother has. That is a great place to start, and I feel like it won't be so scary being a new mom when I have the example of my own mother to guide me.

On Easter morning, Brenton and I surprised each other with Easter baskets. He got me the Primary songbook, and children's scripture stories on dvd. And of course, because he is so thoughtful and always tries to think of ways to make me smile, he hid five pink princess Easter eggs around our family room for me to search for. I never would have thought of something sweet like that. I know he's going to be a great dad because "the greatest thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother." There's never been a doubt in my mind how Brenton feels about me.

After the conclusion of Conference, Brenton and I along with two of his siblings, Garrett and Giselle, went up to Kaysville to visit Aunt Shelley and Uncle Brian's family for Easter dinner. We had a lovely time visiting with family and watching the kids hunt for eggs. We played games and spent time socializing together. As always it was wonderful getting to visit their family.

Today I went back to work as usual, ready to start the new week. Now as a quick update, I had previously been to the dentist and knew I had some cavities that needed to be taken care of next week. However, this morning my top back molar started to hurt, and within thirty minutes the pain was so bad I could hardly think straight. I raced over to the dentist and had an emergency root canal. While it was not how I wanted to spend my Monday, the dentist was very quick and skilled, and once the ridiculously painful numbing shots were in, the pain went away with the nerve he drilled out. And because he was so delicate with my mouth, I'm not in too much recovery pain either, even though I can only take Tylenol. I know that is because Heavenly Father is looking out for me, and He hears the prayers of me and my husband. We were very grateful that I was taken care of so quickly, and that I have good insurance to allow the work to be done with minimal cost to us. I'll be back to work tomorrow hardly the worse for wear.

The Lord loves us. He watches out for His children. I'm grateful for that. I know He watches over me, and helps see to it that even in times of emergency, I'm helped along the way.

Rocking the Baby to Sleep

I haven't written in a little while because I haven't really had anything new to report. I had my 16 week check up a few weeks ago, and everything is just fine. What we're really excited for and can hardly wait to find out is the gender of our little sweetheart. We find that out during my first ultrasound on April 8th, when I'm 20 weeks along. A week from this Thursday. Other than that, I just continue to get bigger and enjoy being able to have an appetite again. I thought I would never feel better, but it's really true that around 16 weeks the nausea goes away, and the appetite comes back. I have enjoyed every bite of it.

However, now that I'm feeling better, I need to start watching what I eat. That, unfortunately, is a lot harder to do with all the delicious Easter candy staring me in the face. And while I indulge every once and awhile and eat a Cadbury cream egg (yes, the cream kind, in it's original size. None of this caramel/fudge mini-sized mockery), I've been pretty good about switching to whole grains and lots of veggies. My sister Liz sent me two excellent books on eating during pregnancy, and I have loved trying out the tasty recipes. This weekend Brenton and I bought a bunch of ingredients to make several soups from the books, and froze what we wouldn't need this week to have for later meals. So far each recipe has been delicious.

As the baby grows, and so does Mommy, I have found that little jr. loves my right side. He/she uses my bladder for a mattress and my ligaments as stuffed animals to snug, making it very painful for me to move, or even just sit. Friday night it got so painful I tried to gently massage my right side to get him/her to move over and give me some relief. Sure enough, the baby moved and I felt great. For three minutes. Then with an obvious lurch, our little pumpkin rolled right back to his/her favorite position, and I was in pain all over again. I let out a pathetic whine, and looked over to see Brenton just beaming at my tummy. Frustrated, I glared and said, "A little sympathy would be nice, you know." He sweetly replied, "I know it hurts sweetheart, and I'm so sorry about that, but I think it's just about the cutest thing I've heard all week that our baby already has a personality and a favorite spot to snuggle." I realized he had a point, and it was pretty darling when I looked at it from that angle.

But I still couldn't get the baby to settle down. He/she kept squirming and tugging, and the night was getting later. So Brenton suggested that I try sitting in the rocker and rocking the baby to sleep. I was desperate and willing to try just about anything. So I sat down and rocked for a few minutes. After awhile I noticed the squirming stop, and the pain slowly subsided. I had rocked my baby to sleep for the very first time, and started to cry. I don't care if it was all in my head, I thought it was so special. And then I had to get up and deflate the baby's mattress by peeing and wake him/her up again. Sigh, it was so sweet while it lasted

But I appreciate the perspective my husband presented as I grumbled through the pain. He looked so excited I couldn't help but share his enthusiasm. And it's helped whenever I feel the baby move to his/her favorite spot. I simply smile and thank my Heavenly Father for sending us one of His precious little children in the first place. Even though I can't hold him/her in my arms yet, I can still rock my baby to sleep, and that means the world to me.