On the Brink

Yes, the rumors are true. We are looking/hoping/praying to be moving out of Utah in the not-too-distant future. Brenton's classes will be finished by the end of Winter semester, and then all he has left is in internship, which we can pretty much do anywhere. YAY!!! Can there really be a light at the end of the tunnel that is not, in fact, an oncoming train? Are we really going to be able to move?! Please do not misunderstand. I have wonderful friends out here. We are very happy and will be sad to move away from the great friendships we've made, but it's time. Actually, it's beyond time for me.

Utah has been the site of so much joy, love, pain, suffering, discouragement, promise, and most of all growth for me. I feel like it marked a poignant era, but that era has passed. It's very hard to remain in your college town after you've graduated college. To me it feels like a canvas full of strokes that made up my college years, and now that I've moved on and have a completely different life, I'm repainting over that same dull, completely-covered-with-old-paint-canvas. I want a new one. I want to move to a place where my mind and lifestyle have already been for over two years now. I am SO ready to move on.

While I met Brenton out here and have many fond memories of our courtship, I also have several painful memories of past events, people and places that I do not enjoy seeing on a practically daily basis. I have moved on from those choices and people, yet somehow every time I think I've pushed it all away something comes up where the past is slammed in my face. Truthfully, I hate it. I've moved on, why can't the world do the same? I feel it's mostly because I'm still here. It some ways it feels like a reformed alcoholic who is still working at a bar. Not the most ideal of situations. Now of course it's not that extreme for me, but a metaphor none the less.

This post is not meant for me to seem ungrateful. We have been so blessed here. Truly. Since marrying Brenton our lives have been a fairy tale. We are so lucky with all that has been given to us, and I am sometimes a bit confused when people talk about how difficult the first few years of marriage are. If these are the hardest years, the rest of lives will be complete bliss! I know that much help and blessings have come because of where we have been living. I'm just ready to put the past behind me not only mentally, but physically, too.

I know that to some extent the past never truly leaves us, but I can leave the place where it all occurred and face the future with faith. I am so excited for Brenton, Ryan and I to strike out and pave our destiny as a family. We are giddy at the prospect of going some place back East. So for now we are searching for internships, looking at the cost of living in various areas, and writing down our Provo Bucket List (it's pretty short). Updates will follow as we decide where our next adventure will take us, and I am THRILLED that it's time to start looking!